Please Protest During Business Hours.

...says Wood County, Texas.

Richard Eugene McLemore kicked off his Independence Day by exercising a first amendment right - sort of.

The 59-year-old Quitman man chained himself to the handrails of the Wood County Courthouse in protest of his June arrest for possessing methamphetamine.

The problem? The courthouse was closed.

But Wait: It Gets Better!

When Wood County Sgt. John Farmer made contact with McLemore, he told Farmer he was protesting the Sheriff's Department and Lt. Miles Tucker, the officer who arrested him June 22.

"He was saying he wanted to get his plight brought to the attention of the public," Criddle said. "He was protesting (Tucker) and the sheriff for defaming his name."

Farmer issued McLemore a criminal trespassing warning and told him to come back when the courthouse was open.

"(He told him) if he had beef to come up to the courthouse and discuss it during regular business hours," Tucker said.

That's right. He chained himself to the courthouse to protest his arrest, and got ticketed again because the court was closed.

Mr. McLemore, I salute you. Truly, among rampaging dumbfucks, you are a colossus.

Now, you and I both know there are good reasons for being careful about your website's domain name registration, right?
You don't?
Well, you should, and Stone Mountain Middle School in Georgia can explain why. See, they got sloppy about their school magazine - "Black Girl" - and let their domain registration run out - whereupon it was snatched up by a porn company out of Curacao. The school found out about this later, when reports began to come in that their school homepage linked to a porn site.
Oops.
Might I suggest GoDaddy.com?

Now, I admit that like anyone else, I forget things.
Really!
I sometimes wonder how you can forget a child, but since it happens from time to time it's obviously possible.
But I have to say: if you are the mother of the 6-year-old boy, AS YET UNCLAIMED, who has been waiting at the Taste Of Chicago for EIGHT FUCKING DAYS, I have two things to say to you.
First: you are a bitch from hell and should die in a fire.
Second, failing the aforementioned death by fire, COME GET YOUR CHILD.
That is all.

Chicago seems to be full of bright, shining lights of genius this week: a 56-year-old man in Chicago is fine, after being treated for minor injuries, which he received when he ran over himself with his own car.
How, you ask, can such a magnificent event of dumbassery actually happen? (And it was truly magnificent. Just look at the picture.)
Well, he left the car on and went to empty the trunk, when it "slipped" into reverse, a turn of phrase I find exceedingly unlikely, and "rolled" over him. Doubt my skepticism? Look at the pic. There's simply no way on this planet that happened without someone on the gas pedal, hmmm? No car manufactured EVER idles high enough to do that. (Playing the attached video is also enjoyable, if only for the inane commentary on the part of the news anchors. "Ooo, hate when that happens." "Ooo, hate when you write your own material.")

My Favorite Town, New London, Connecticut, is back in the news with another story illustrating the SUPERB and ENVIABLE quality of the people who live there; although less far-reaching in implication than last year's story, it was nonetheless illuminating.
Oh, yes, my point. Well, in this case, it's less of a POINT, so much as a Bludgeoning Impact With Fleeing Crowds Of Screaming Pedestrians, as an 89-year-old man rams his station wagon through a crowd, injuring 27 people. No doubt screaming "Get off my damn lawn, hippies!" and laughing maniacally. I will note that the story claims he hit one person, then panicked, causing him to drive - they describe it as "lurching" twice - into the crowd, but I think my version sounds better, so I'm sticking to it.

From the Department of Not Learning From The Lessons Of The Past, I bring you V. Marathai, of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Or rather I would, except he's dead. See, he got killed while trying to crawl underneath a train. Now personally, I'd be trying to find ways AROUND the train, rather than crawling under the friggin' wheels, but HEY, not my call, right?
Anyway, the sad part of this is that Mr. Marathai's father died in the same place, doing the same thing, eight months earlier, which is the previously mentioned not learning thing. You'd think seeing your father get squished would kinda put you off of it, but apparently not if your last name is Marathai.

And last but certainly not least, because I don't want them to think I'm ignoring them and fire a nuke at me, we come to North Korea. Some of you may have been following recent events regarding that particular country run by a crazy person - not to be confused with Iran, whose president is actually CALLED Ahmacrazyperson - and some of you may not, but you should know that they recently "test" fired a couple of nuclear capable Taepodong-2 ICBMs. That's Intercontinental Ballistic Missile, for you liberals, if any of you are sturdy enough to read my blog.
Anyway, it's not enough to have SDI - Strategic Defense Initiative, for you lefty pinkos - Star Wars, for everyone else - even though more and more people are starting to wonder what happened to that, now. Why, you ask? Well, because one of those "test-fired" missiles North Korea launched the other day was aimed at Hawaii.

You read that right.

North Korea launched a nuclear-capable missile at a territory of the United States. Despite the fact that it broke, and fell into the ocean, you can bet your ass if I was President there would be paratroops all over the launch site in 18 hours, goddammit. THEY LAUNCHED A FUCKING NUKE AT US. It doesn't matter if it was armed or not - or if it didn't work, or if it was "only a test." There's a difference between firing a missile at some random chunk of ocean, and firing a POTENTIAL NUCLEAR WEAPON at OUR LAND. Firing a potential WMD at one of the States is an act of war, plain and simple. They ought not to get away with it; the President ought to send a huge number of paratroops to North Korea and take away their fucking toys, right now. Maybe they missed Hawaii, but there's no reason as yet to think they'd miss Japan. Or Alaska.

In fact, despite the length of time I've been out of the military, I bet I can still remember how to shoot a Ma Deuce. You want someone to go take care of that little problem for you, there, Prez? Pack me up. I'll fucking go. You'll have those fucking missiles giftwrapped on the White House lawn so fast your head will spin.