Saturday, August 23, 2008

Senator Barack Obama Is Too Awesome For Your White House, America!

...And should he deign to grace the Oval Office with his august presence, the sheer honor of his proximity will cause the walls to warp, and paint to peel throughout the building, as the White House struggles vainly to contain an awesomeness so vast, so mighty, that it belongs on an INTERNATIONAL stage, not limited to a single third-rate former superpower!

So, yeah; Senator Obama is awesome. He'll tell you so, every chance he gets. So will the sycophantic media; which is to be expected, since his campaign has actually ostracized journalists for daring to question his greatness.

But they tend to be very unspecific about the exact details of how and why he's really so amazing. So, since I'm Here For You™, I've decided to put together a Top Ten List of reason Senator Barack Obama is awesome.

And the Number One reason Senator Barack Obama is awesome:

Because he's so cool that his obvious communism - endorsed by the Communist Party of America, no less - his support of failed policies of socialist medicine, his support of increased corporate taxes despite the U.S. being second-highest in the world already, his ties to a racist preacher, his ties to known former terrorists, his endorsements from terror groups - yes, groupS, plural - his ties to Louis Farrakhan, his total lack of experience in government, his openly racist disdain for his grandmother based on her skin color, his own racist statements, his wife's hatred for America, his inability to secure the Democratic nomination without resorting to superdelegates, his loony tax and energy policies, his failure to adhere to his own campaign platform even before the election, his endless flipflopping and self-contradiction, his refusal to admit the iraq troop surge worked, his willingness to go negative first in campaign ads, his willingness to negotiate with people known to be untrustworthy, his total unwillingness to even discuss actual debates with his opponent, and his rampaging sense of entitlement are all nothing more than the obvious machinations of the corrupt, racist right wing, and its massive anti-freedom conspiracy, and so none of them count despite all of them being true.

But there's one more crucial reason that Senator Barack Obama is the most awesomely awesomest political candidate we've ever had in this country ever ever ever:

Senator Obama says so.

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