Fitna the Movie - English - Part 2.avi

This is part 2 of Fitna, the movie displaying the Qur'an's comments about the situation in Europe, and Islam, by some Dutch guy whose name I can't recall.

Fitna the Movie - English - Part 1.avi

This is part 1 of the movie Fitna, about Islam and the sayings of the Qur'an, as they relate to the situation in Europe, and specifically the Netherlands.

The FITNA Movie

Well, I tried to upload it, and figured out why the end is cut off of all the copies I've seen online so far: simple; Multiply cuts things off after 10 minutes in a single film segment. FITNA is 16 minutes and 42 seconds long; thus getting snipped.

No worries. I have a copy on my hard drive of the FULL movie, and  some great editing software, so I am going to snip the film in half and post two 8:21 segments, instead.

Give me a little bit. Don't worry; there will be download links for both halves.

Fast-Food Nutrition, And Associated Ranting

This one's getting done first, while I wait an eternity for all the photos to upload. The vids... OMG. LONG wait. So...

On the way back from the Baltimore airport, we stopped in York to find food. We found, and ate at, a combination Taco Bell / Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Neither of which is renowned for its nutritious offerings, frankly; Taco Bell specializes in sour cream and cheese, while KFC has... Well, everything on the menu (essentially) is deep fried.

So I admit I found it amusing that either of those restaurants have a "healthy food" menu. At Taco Bell, it's the "al fresco" menu, which basically is their normal crapola, minus the sour cream and cheese. (Also minus the taste, but health nuts are used to that anyway, so who cares.)

Right. So, let's look at something. I have before me a brochure (each) detailing the nutrition information for KFC and Taco Bell.

Right. For Taco Bell, far and away the worst single item of food on the menu is the...

Fiesta Taco Salad. With EIGHT HUNDRED FORTY CALORIES; 45 grams of fat, of which 11 grams are saturated fats; 65 milligrams of cholesterol; 1780 milligrams of sodium (80% of your daily value in that one menu item;) this is a sure-fire winner, although the various Grilled Stuft Burritoes have more sodium.

At KFC, you have a tie between the Chicken Pot Pie and the side dish of Mashed Potatoes And Gravy.

The chicken pot pie has more calories (770-740,) fat (40g-35g,) cholesterol (115mg-60mg,)and trans fats (14g-1.5g,) the taters are the clear winner on salt, with a staggering 2,350mg vs. the pot pie's pitiable 1680mg. To put this in perspective, the taters provide 98% of the salt an average human on a 2000 calorie diet needs for one whole entire day.

I guess what I'm getting at, here, is that if you go to KFC, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, Arby's, Wendy's, Chick-Fil-A, Whataburger, Hardee's, Jack-In-the-Box, Sonic, Church's, Popeyes, Quizno's, Subway, Long John Silver's, any pizza joint, anything owned by Yum! Foods International, or Waffle House, looking for nutritious food that will keep you trim and in shape without effort, YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON.

The reality is that these businesses cater to people who want food quickly, cheaply, and without a lot of fuss. In order to do that, they rely on preservatives, fats, flavor enhancing chemicals, additives of all shapes and sizes, and freezing. You cannot get "good" food at a fast food joint because that's not the business they're in, and if you believe Jared Fogel, you're doomed to a life of failure and disappointment.

That is all.

Yummy Stuff! (All-Can Easy Stew)

Right, so, I'm basically lazy, and after a good vacation and a late night / early morning, I wasn't in the mood to work a whole long time in the kitchen to make dinner. So, given those facts, when I realized that it was my turn to cook, I busted out the crockpot for some stew, and now you can share with me the yummy goodness.

1 crockpot

2 cans chili beans (lightly spiced pinto beans, for you yankees)
2 cans cream of mushroom soup
2 cans Swanson's Beef Broth
1 can mixed vegetables
2 cups cooked white rice
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tsp. each of the following: parsley flakes, crushed bay leaves, oregano, marjoram, savory
1 tsp. ground mixed peppercorns. [A note here: more on this later.]
4 hot dogs, diced

Toss it all in and crank it on high, stirring until thoroughly mixed. Cook on high for 2-4 hours, stirring occasionally. Serve hot.

Right, the peppercorns. In case you were wondering, the Dollar Tree chain carries a pretty good peppercorn medley in a shaker with a built-in grinder. That's not as good as your own fresh peppercorns, true, but in a pinch, it's an easy way to add some kick to a solid but otherwise unexceptional stew.

Serve with butter bread and enjoy!

So Many Things I Want To Write That I Can't Pick...

...So, I'm gonna ask - not with a poll, but with comments - what you guys think.

The options are:

• Nutrition values at fast food joints, and associated ranting;
  
• Racism, and associated ranting;
• Pics and video from our vacation, to fill in a bit on things;
• Some various and random political rambling;
• Religious thoughts and controversy.

The reason I'm not posting a poll is that multiply inserts it in the post preview no matter what you do, and this takes up huge chunks of screen real estate without showing very much.

So; if you read this, and have an opinion, please feel free to leave a comment and tell me which you'd like to see next; although I'd like to write about all of them, time being limited and my memory being short, probably the highest voted two - MAYBE three - will actually get written, and the rest will be lost to historical speculation.

A Final Pre-Return Trip Update...

Some of you may totally have been wondering what my previously alluded-to "big news" was.

Well, let me see... How can I put this:

Right. So there.

A Further Trip Update...

So, we left Marfa on Monday morning and drove (with a few stops,) to San Antonio, and wandered around the Rivercenter Mall for a while, thanks to the IMAX theater having the world's slowest ticketing process in the history of cinema. (Missed the show despite showing up 15 minutes ahead and only having a 10-person line.)

When we were hungry, Mom, Tara, and I walked down the Riverwalk to our restaurant for the evening. I was pushing James in the stroller, and realized after carrying him and the stroller up and down several sets of stairs and across a couple of sections of broken paving that the reason the stroller was so heavy was that Mom and Tara had affixed both their huge granny purses to the stroller handles. ARGH! I made them carry their own stuff.

We were accosted along the way by a skinny, twitchy panhandler who was trying to clean up on the spring break tourist crowd, otherwise hereafter known as "Magical Hoochie Season," who tried to be all smooth:

"Hey, excuse me, man, I'm hungry, and I don't mean to bother you..."

"But you're succeeding in bothering me."

I bet you can guess who didn't get any money.

So we went to dinner at the Texas Land and Cattle Steakhouse, with my mother's cousin Buzz and his wife Augusta; they're both very nice, which was a good thing. I will say in the restaurant's defense that the food was worth every penny of the VERY high price, and was possibly the best steak I've ever actually eaten. But we walked in and sat down at 7 PM, and got up to the lobby to head to the car at 9:15. So, a bit slow.

My only real issue with that - being as expensive restaurants often do that - was that during Spring Break, you'd think they'd want us stuffed and rolled out of there as fast as possible, so they could bilk huge drink bills out of gullible kids with their parents' credit cards. Go figure.

In the morning, we went to the Rivercenter again, and this time managed to get to watch the "Alamo: the Price of Freedom" movie at the IMAX. Badass. Especially the part where they listed all the names of people who died in the Alamo, and I got to point and tell Tara, "Yeah, right in the third column, about 3/4 of the way down; that guy." My ancestor.

We then went to the Alamo itself, and walked around taking ridiculous numbers of pictures and videos, including the cenotaph upon which is listed the name of every man they could confirm died at the Alamo.

This is the best vacation ever.

Then we drove to Houston, and after settling in at the house, we went to eat at the Rainforest Cafe with my brother, his wife, and their two adorable kids. I will say that the Rainforest Cafe is worth every penny in every way. The kids loved it, especially the huge fishtanks with Nemo and Dory fish in them, and the food was great.

Today, with many pics again, we went to the Houston Museum of Natural Science and History. MORE TO FOLLOW WHEN THE FINAL BIT OF BIG NEWS IS DONE. (Probably tomorrow night.)

A Trip Update...

Right. We flew; predictably, the airline lost my bag, with my C-PAP machine in it; it took them until the next day to manage to bring it.

TSA, you see, thought my air machine was a bomb, or some such, and took so long inspecting it that it didn't make the flight, and the next connecting flight was on Saturday.

And someone in TSA spilled their food all over my (previously) clean shirts. Bastards.

James was remarkably well-behaved on the planes, and frankly dealt with three flights in one day with better equanimity than either of his parents did.

However, Marfa, TX has been conquered by the mightiness and overwhelming kawaii of my son; Grandma was delighted to see him, and is having a blast with him. I think we introduced him to every single person in town in the last two days, LOL. Tara and I went to the ranch, and took about 120 pictures and 15 minutes of video, including the 4 1/2 foot rattler in the cellar, who informed us that that was his mouse-hunting ground and he wanted us to LEAVE, and we walked the creek that gives the Perdiz Creek ranch its name, about 5 miles of rocks, hardpan, and sand, interspersed with plants with ridiculous thorns. We got pics of that too.

Now, bearing in mind that I won't be posting the video and whatnot until we get back to Pennsylvania, I'm gonna tell you a story.

The Perdiz Creek ranch is the site of a great mystery's answer. See, back in the day, the Apaches used to raid the settlements all along the Mexican border, and when the raiding parties would find themselves being pursued, they would simply disappear. Even after the Apaches were either treatied onto reservations or killed, the raids - untraceable and deadly - continued, just less often, and finally petered out.

At that point, the U.S. military was more than curious, and they basically pestered the Apaches until they agreed to tell them the secret of the Amazing Disappearing Raiding Parties, and so here it is: Perdiz Creek, or the area that became Perdiz Creek, has on it the only artesian well in Presidio. Said well is in a canyon - the Perdiz Creek of the ranch's name - and is totally, completely hidden from even as close as 100 FEET.

Next to it is a flat rock shelf, hidden in a depression, on which the Apaches could build a campfire and set up bedrolls, completely hidden within the arroyo walls. The Apaches related to the cavalry officers stories of times the pursuit had come within earshot of the raiders without ever having a clue they were there; often within mere yards of the hidden spring.

That spring now lies on the Perdiz Creek ranch; Tara and I walked out into the desert and looked at it today, and took pictures and video. I have no trouble believing the Apache accounts; if you didn't - as I do - know exactly where it is, you would, frankly, never find it.

We also stopped at the place where my father's ashes are interred. The ranch was the life-work of the single man in the world my father ever respected; when my grandfather died, my father was too grief-stricken to do anything besides weep. The two of them had plans for the ranch that tragically were cut short by my grandfather's death, and later permanently shelved by my father's.

One day maybe I'll find a way to make those plans a reality. I think they'd both like that.

Marfa, TX, is the site of the famous Marfa Lights; sadly, due to a fairly immense windstorm and its associated dust clouds, we're not going to get to go look for them tonight, which is a shame; I have seen them, but Tara has not. It's also the place where one older, and two recent movies, have been filmed - Giant was filmed here, as well as No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood. Another film, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, was actually filmed in and around the Perdiz Creek ranch, and features a good bit of footage of the ranch house and facilities that my grandfather built with his own hands.

The desert is beautiful, even if those of you living in greener climes might not find it so.

Maybe you'll see some of the beauty to be found here in the footage and pictures Tara and I bring home, hmmm?

Tomorrow, we're off to San Antonio, there to visit the Alamo, and take pics of the plaque commemorating my ancestor - Patrick Henry Herndon - 's death during the defense of the Alamo against Santa Anna's forces in 1836, as well as wandering the Riverwalk, watching a movie, and hanging out with two of my cousins and their associated straphangers.

Before we leave, we're picking up some paperwork from the Marfa courthouse, that'll take three days to take effect; I'll leave you to guess what that's for until we get to Houston on Wednesday.

That's all you get for now; I'm going to play with my (very noisy) son.

The Update, And An Itinerary, And Goodbyes For A Week (ZOMG!)

So.

After thoroughly annoying my line leader with my abrupt doctor's appointment of unknown beforehand duration, I got permission and bailed on work at the first break, off to the hospital AGAIN.

After filling out paperwork asking questions you would have THOUGHT they might like the answers to BEFORE the sleep study (but you'd be mistaken,) they let me actually talk to the doctor, who examined me - this consisted of a tongue depressor and "say ah...oh, I see."

Right.

Apparently, the primary cause of my almost deadly - and they were, for a change, not fucking around with me, either; they showed me the graph showing my "episodes" per hour, aka "flatlining," but more on this in a minute - sleep apnea is... drumroll, please... I have large tonsils.

What?

Right. Apparently, since I still come with all my original factory equipment plus a couple of aftermarket bolt-on armor packs, my airway is obstructed while I'm sleeping, because I need to have my tonsils removed.

The graph of my "episodes" (read: "flatlining") was interesting. Apparently I spent more time dead than alive Sunday night, which is why the tech was so twitchy; I had 85 episodes... IN THE FIRST HOUR. It's supposed to be a single black line when that happens; my graph was A SOLID FUCKING BAR after midnight. Yay! No wonder I've been feeling like a zombie; they're apparently planning a sequel to "The Serpent And The Rainbow" based on my last four months.

So, after the doctor's highly agitated phone call to the equipment dealer, I got a very nice new Bi-PAP (Bi-pressurizing Positive Airway Pressure) machine. And a lecture about cleaning the humidifier tank EVERY SINGLE DAY OR YOU WILL ASPLODE ZOMGWTF!!11

...At any rate. So, I got my black box, and theoretically should be fine.

So, tomorrow, we are officially on vacation, for the very first time ever that we have paid vacation. (Vacation, as opposed to "leave.") Woohooo! A whole week, spent mostly... traveling.

Let me explain.

We're flying to and from Texas. Due to the vicissitudes of hub-to-hub air travel, we're driving to Baltimore in the morning, flying to Nashville, changing planes, then flying to Midland, Texas, there to meet up with my mother, and have dinner with my uncle Jimmy and aunt Sharon. Then - tomorrow night - driving the other 3 hours to Marfa, where we're going to spend the next two days seeing the family ranch, watching the mysterious and spooky Marfa Lights (I've seen them and they are in fact highly disturbing,) and generally hanging out with my 92-year-old grandmother, who has been pestering me about red-headed great-grandbabies since the first time she met my wife.

Monday, we're driving to San Antonio, where we're going to have two meals - one with my mother's cousin Buzz and his wife (I didn't name him, dude, so stop looking at me like that) and then my cousin Lloyd and wife #2, Janice, who I'm sure is nice but I've never seen in my life so THAT should be interesting based on past experience with people meeting me for the first time. We're not leaving San Antonio until afternoon Tuesday, because we're gonna go hang out at the Alamo, and watch the really bitchin' IMAX movie "Alamo: The Price Of Freedom," which is ONLY shown in the Riverwalk Mall in SA.

Tuesday night, once we get to Houston, we're most likely going to sleep.

Wednesday and Thursday, we're going to try to cram in as muich visiting with my brother and his wife and kids as we can, along with squeezing in time for Tara and the boy and I to go to the Houston Museum of Natural Science and History, and hopefully the Houston Museum of Fine Arts as well.

Friday, we fly back out of Houston - DIRECTLY to Baltimore - to pick up our car and pay off our nearly $70 parking tab.

We have a video camera, a digital camera, presents for all and sundry, and way more money than we expected to have. A blast? Yes, one will be had by all. Woohoo!

Today was great, actually; I got simply TONS of great news today.

First, I got my breathing machine, so I can presumably sleep without fear of INSTANT DEATH, and that's a good thing. Second, Empire decided to kick loose my vacation check at the same time as my pay for THIS week, so I actually have like $300 more than I expected for the next two weeks.

Third... Well, ok. When I started my current job at Empire, the hours were 9:30 Am - 8 PM, and that wasn't a problem. Just recently, from what I can see for no actual reason whatsoever other than screwing with us, they moved the hours to 8:30 AM - 7 PM. This leaves me, on Tara's work nights, with about 5 hours in which to sleep;  bad juju for someone with a sleep disorder.

So, when my line leader jokingly suggested I bid on a different, non-line, non-constant-use-of-fast-moving-sharp-objects job, that happened to have the same hours as my original hours for my current position, I went ahead and put in my name for it; got told today, when I got back to work from the doctor's, that I won the bid, and will start the new job as soon as I come back from vacation. Score! No more huge divots carved out of my thumb because I fell asleep on the line due to apnea-induced narcolepsy.

We got our boarding passes already; we're 90% packed; we have extra batteries, and tunes for all the traveling.

This is gonna be so much fun.

I am soooooo gonna be in Multiply withdrawal by day two. Bear with me, y'all; there will be videos. Oh yes, many, many videos. And pictures.

The Aforementioned Later-In-The-Evening Rant

Right.

So, you guys know me, with varying degrees of personal attachment, or lack thereof as the case may be.

So it's only to be expected that some of you are more familiar with my current and ongoing "issues" than others; for that reason I ask those of you familiar with my current situation to bear with me while I fill in the folks in the cheap seats.

Ok then.

A few months ago, I had a tough bout with bronchitis. It's happened before, but this time it really didn't want to let go, and stuck around for a good length of time; finally I got it chased out of my system.

But for some reason, I kept on waking up tired. Not "man, I needed more rest," or as Tara puts it, "why aren't there more hours in the day for sleep? Ilove sleep," but rather, "did I GET any rest? WTF?"

It got worse; I began feeling drowsy basically all the time, and started getting really worried about my ability to operate a car, or, say, perform my job - involving lots of fast-moving sharp things - with any degree of safety, because I was, increasingly, RANDOMLY FALLING THE FUCK ASLEEP.

Right.

So my doctor told me that he wanted (no more than did I...) to know WTF was going on with me, and sent me to the local hospital sleep lab to run a sleep study.

Now, I've never had this done before, so I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I got there, and the tech ushered me upstairs to what looked like a motel room with a few gizmoes extra, and told me he would be along to "wire me up," after a bit.

I plunked myself down in their very generous recliner, and turned on the TV.

100 fucking channels, and "The Day After Tomorrow" was the best thing on TV. That's a goddamn shame, right there.

But, ok, the tech came in and hooked me up to so many wires I told him "dude, I feel like I have Predator dreadlocks. Awesome."

Watched more TV; "the best thing on" changed from that shitty movie, to a different shitty movie. A STEVEN SEAGAL movie.

*Oh, the humanity...*

So, about 11 PM, I'm starting to fade, no doubt from boredom, and the tech comes in and drags me over, finishes hooking the wires to his machine, and tells me "get comfortable."

Yeah, right.

After the initial calibration for the EEG - "look left. Now look right. Now look up. Take five deep breaths. Good; now blink 5 times." - the lights go out, and I'm ready to snooze. Now, for the first time in my whole life - being as I've always been slow-sleep insomnic - I can pass right out, because I'm exhausted.

So, at 2:15 AM, or thereabouts, the tech rushes into the room, turns on all the lights, and makes me sit up so he can strap some kind of funky breathing apparatus to my head, because, said he, "you're WAY over the threshold, and the hospital requires you to wear this so you don't die."

...Wait, what?

"Ok, go on and sleep now."

...Did he just say, "Die" ?!?

...I think he did.

...Definitely used "DIE" in that sentence.

...Dude, come back here, WTF?!?

"MMMPH!!!"

"Get comfy and go back to sleep, all your numbers look fine, now."

It's a good thing for him that I was still half asleep, and am basically lazy.

So, in the morning, they get me up, and after all is said and done, all test run, that gel crap they use to stick the 'trodes on you scraped off my head with fingernails, and all my crap picked back up, the dude goes "ok, this will go to your doctor, and then we'll try to schedule you an appointment."

Two words.

HELL.

NO.

You just told me this condition might result in my DEATH, and it's sufficiently severe that you strapped some plastic thing to my face so it didn't happen while you were legally liable for me, and I get a "we'll call you" ?

To describe me as "pissed" might win some sort of prize for understatement.

So, I went home, fuming.

Told my work buddies about it, and they pointed at me and laughed.

I thought that was really funny, too.

TODAY, while I was at work, the hospital called; they want me to come in tomorrow in the middle of a work day so they can - in theory - fit me (I don't know what that entails because the friggin' thing has adjustable straps, and all I gotta do is slap it on, and tighten the straps until they cut into the bone of my skull, from what the tech said) with a breathing machine, which Iwill then be able to take home and use.

They still let me hang out for 3 nights with a condition that might result in my DEATH without warning.

It's that standard of professionalism, not to mention the sheer "can-do" attitude, that makes me like and respect my local hospital.

You may mock me now, but fair warning; I might say something really mean in reply unless you show wit, panache, style, and can demonstrate an adequate grasp of the English language.

Just A Quick Note Before My Later-In-The-Evening-Rant

Ok, for years, I have loved the work of playwright (and, thankfully, screenwriter) David Mamet, who is - AS A PLAYWRIGHT - utterly brilliant. (SPARTAN and Glengarry Glen Ross are both his work.)

Politically, he doesn't agree with me. Now, I say that in present tense, which I will explain.

Prior to "just recently," Mamet suffered under the crippling burden of being a liberal; now he has undergone a change. What he hasn't undergone yet is the philosophical understanding of WHY his previous views are wrong, which means he's taking them on faith.

I accept that his views are now more closely aligned with mine, but without an understanding of the REASON behind it - the logic and facts - that agreement has little true value. It is the philosophical understanding, the moral underpinning if you will, of the ideas that makes them valuable, because without that basic understanding, you cannot apply those ideas to varying situations; you can only apply them to THE IDENTICAL situation, should it arise again.

As an example, if you see a partial-birth abortion, and realize that killing THIS baby is wrong, but you don't understand the moral premise upon which that judgement is based, you cannot then make the conceptual leap and say "abortion is wrong;" you will be stuck forever, or until you take that next mental step, with "partial-birth abortion is wrong," when in fact they are morally identical prospects.

But at any rate, my favorite playwright has made an - as to be expected - well-written first step in the right direction. Kudos yet again, Mr. Mamet; Ilook forward to many more years of your hopefully better informed, now that you've begun your path to recovery, works.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiit's That Time Again, Folks...

...Time for Billbear to make disparaging comments, for most of you to go "Huh?" and for me to rant on about the goodness.

That's right; it's time for the fourth - and last - season of Battlestar Galactica, in which questions will be answered (theoretically,) the truth will be revealed (allegedly,) and we will finally know who all the Cylons hidden among the humans are (supposedly.)

Now, I know that many of you haven't watched the series, or have only caught an episode here and there, and thus might not know the whole story to this point, and so, I present to you: Galactica in 8:18, followed by the first teaser for Season 4, which begins airing on April 4th.

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Right. So, go on, Bill, rag on the series, but everyone else: this is one of the best shows on television. If you have the Sci-Fi Channel, it's worth watching.

The Saga Of The Duke.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a game. And it was fun. It spawned sequels, and after a few years, the makers of the game decided that - post-DOOM - the Way Of The Future was First Person Shooter games.

And so was born Duke Nukem 3D.

It was popular - not as much as DOOM, but where DOOM's protagonist was totally faceless, silent, and really had no story other than "OMG ESCAPE ARRRRRGH!" The Duke had style. There were strippers in Duke Nukem's games. There was sarcasm; irony; black humor, and lots and lots and lots of guns.

Right; so, inevitably, the makers of Duke 3D - 3DRealms - decided to make a sequel to the FPS, and titled it Duke Nukem Forever.

You've never played this game.

This is because to date it has been in development for over a decade; it is easily the longest development cycle of any game ever, and has become an industry inside joke, as "the game that will never be released."

That's almost certainly not true; 3DRealms will virtually certainly release the game at some point. The question is, after 3 Duke side projects of varying degrees of success, ten years of development, and essentially giving the finger to the formerly enthusiastic fanbase, is there any way this game, when it DOES finally come out, can possibly be good enough to make up for a decade of development?

Yahtzee, of The Escapist's Zero Punctuation feature, says something along the lines of "unless this game is the greatest achievement in all of human history and simultaneously cures several kinds of cancer, it is going to be destroyed by critics."

But... here's the thing. When they first announced this game, I was all kinds of psyched to play it; Duke 3D was the bomb, IMO, and Duke Nukem: TTK was a damn fine addition to the series; I waited, and waited, and waited, and my eagerness to play this game gradually died down, faded away, what have you, but I thought it was gone completely.

Then they released this:

...And all that old enthusiasm just comes rushing right back.
GOD DAMN YOU 3DREALMS, BRING OUT MY GAME SO I CAN KICK ALIEN ASS!

And For My Next Trick...

I was originally thinking of this as an adjunct to the Oil post, but I forgot to include it, and decided that I would post it separately, rather than as a comment to the Oil post.

So.

I just want to answer the folks who claim that our current actions in the Middle East are NOT self-defense, once and for all, although for a reason they might not expect.

Actually, any actions we undertake in Kuwait, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, or the UAE are self-defense, if a bizarre, time-delayed alternate-universe sort.

See, if someone tries to mug you, and you shoot them, it's self-defense.

If someone tries to rob your house, and you shoot them, it's self-defense.

If you build multi-billion dollar facilities for the production, extraction, and refining of oil, and someone steals them, and you kick their ass, it's self-defense.

Bear in mind that all but one of the major oil companies that are household names in America are American companies (the exception being Shell, which is now part of British Petroleum.) Those companies did the geological surveys, the planning, the research, and built the facilities, often including the expansions to harbor facilities, in the majority of the OPEC countries, to produce oil; after which, those nations "nationalized" those production facilities.

Without paying the companies back.

Right.

That makes it "armed robbery."

If you shoot someone who tries to commit armed robbery against you, it's self - defense.

Venezuela nationalized the American oil facilities in their territory last year, and didn't pay. At that point, we would have been perfectly within our rights to demand payment at risk of invasion and reclamation of the oil facilities; Venezuela stole something from us, that was worth billions of dollars.

Billions of dollars are "a vital national interest," in my opinion.

So, basically, the way this works is simple: we have a national interest - that being billions upon billions of dollars owed us, and as yet unpaid, despite our huge cash flow to them for oil - from OUR FACILITIES THAT THEY STOLE - and despite our "foreign aid" payments to their governments - that gives us reason if we ever, ever need to contemplate military action against any of these nations; we have a legitimate reason to deal with them on that level, even if it's been delayed "until we need it."

So, y'all seriously need to stop bitching about Saddam; he owed us 6 billion dollars.

...Hey, France, that 44 billion you still owe us from World War 2 is just CALLING MY NAME...

Right; So, There's Oil...

And we're about to talk about it.

First, let me say off the bat that this is an opinion piece; this doesn't come from a particular news story, but rather from an opinion based on lots and lots of research consisting of my reading the news - particularly about oil - for years now, looking for some element to cling to as "the right course." Also, there might be a mini-rant; brace yourselves.

So, without further ado:

Initially, I had thought - as many of you no doubt do - that our dependence on foreign oil must be reduced, by pushing domestic oil production.

I no longer think that way. You see, I am learning to think to the next level; I'm not, perhaps, the smartest guy on the block, but ideas do sink in if you pound them against my rock-like skull long enough. This idea is a national security issue, and as such near and dear to my heart.

Right.

Has anyone noticed that Sweden and Norway pay like $9/gallon for gasoline at the pump?

Anyone wonder why the price of oil is so very, very high for them, while we're comfortably bitching about $3?

I will explain. Most of the oil produced in the world comes from nations in the Middle East and South America, commonly known as "OPEC," for Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries. Around 41.6% of the world's petroleum production comes from those nations - Algeria, Angola, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Libya, Nigeria, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Venezuela, and Ecuador - and they thus have a large effect on the global price of oil, currently around $100 a barrel.

To give you an idea, for contrast, the entire 30-nation membership of the OECD - including the USA - produces only 23.8% of global production, while the former Soviet republics produce about 14.8%.

So, OPEC carries big weight. It also hates the USA, pretty much; with the exception of Kuwait, ALL of those countries have engaged in frequent, vehement anti-America rhetoric, as well as threatening actions of various kinds, including embargoes.

Right, well, this is a perfect reason we should try to minimize our dependence on them for oil, right? EXACTLY; but this DOES NOT MEAN we should stop buying from them.

Wait for it, I'll get there.

In the USA, we have several sources of potential - as in as-yet untapped - oil production, largest among them being the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and the Green River shale formation. Drilling in ANWR, in particular, has been a political hot potato for years; innumerable bills have gotten torpedoed in House-Senate reconciliations by filibusters and other such tactics due to ANWR drilling being attached as a rider.

But, we're paying too much at the pump, so, it's back in the news again; we should clearly open it up for drilling, so that we can reduce our dependence on the crazies in the Middle East, right?

Not so fast, slick.

What we ought to do is put the infrastructure and facilities to DO the drilling in place, and leave them there. Pipelines, the whole shebang. Just leave them.

See, OPEC nations' economies depend in toto on their sales of millions and millions of barrels of oil a year to countries like us; our economy depends in toto upon a steady, reliable flow of oil to our power plants, manufacturers, transportation companies, and - most obvious and in public awareness - the gas stations.

But there's a catch; since we have so little domestic oil production, anymore, OPEC has us - so to speak - over a barrel, in terms of price. They can raise prices to give themselves huge profits, and we just have to TAKE it. This is why our prices are lower than those in Sweden, Norway, Switzerland... Because they have NO native petroleum reserves, at all. No production capacity; no reserves; nothing. If they DON'T pay OPEC's inflated prices, OPEC can simply turn off the faucet that keeps their economies alive, and *poof* instant economic collapse for those nations.

Our price is much lower because we DO have domestic oil reserves, and we DO have native production capacity; OPEC can't squeeze us nearly as hard, because if they do, we simply lower our purchases, and increase production, and *poof* instant economic distress for OPEC.

So, here's the thing; as long as we DO have petroleum reserves, and production capacity, no-one has a loaded gun to the head of our economy; they can't blackmail us into compliance with the threat of financial catastrophe, they can't - for example - stop our military cold by turning off the gas pumps; nothing.

And the sooner we use up our domestic reserves, the sooner they DO; they CAN, and they CAN.

So, what's the solution? I think the solution is to reverse the intended - and attempted, in the 70's - blackmail. The reserves at ANWR alone would supply the USA's needs - using that as our sole source of oil - for between 8 months and 1.4 years. Green River brings that up to 2 years. Anyone want to place bets on how long OPEC would take to cave? Their economies could NEVER survive 2 years without their single largest customer; they would be in utter, total economic collapse in months. Maybe weeks, due to the panic factor on behalf of their banking community.

So, we get the USGS - the geologists - to find all the oil they can in our country. Identify it. Build facilities; drill for it until we tap in; then shut those facilities down and lock 'em up.

At that point, we are no longer at their mercy. We can set global prices, at least to a degree, simply by virtue of the fact that we can tell them "we're prepared to go into full production at need; all it will take is a single PHONE CALL from this negotiating table. The price comes down. $100/barrel is not acceptable; try again."

But this only works while we can actually do what we claim.

As such, I think we should reverse most people's position completely; we should immediately, and essentially for good, shut down all domestic oil production completely, retaining the facilities, but not draining the reserves any more, and convert to take ALL our supplies from abroad.

This also has the added benefit of letting us, in later years - once we've converted to alternate energy sources, during our time riding on OPEC oil - pull the same trick on the rest of the world as OPEC has on us, because sooner or later, everyone else will run out - and we'll still have ours. Those untold billions of dollars pouring in from desperate nations sound nice, if a little "evil genius," don't they?

Now, that said, I do have a couple of issues.

In 2005, Exxon-Mobil posted a net profit of $46 billion, U.S. That's net; people screeched when they found out how much it was, but that's AFTER-TAX dollars, folks. EM paid $30 billion in taxes in '05; that is more than the aggregate total paid into the public coffers by the bottom 50% of American wage earners combined - in other words, that one single company paid for more crap in this country than 165, 000, 000 of us all together.

So quit bitching, seriously. It makes you look either retarded - if you didn't think of that - or communist, if you did.

The More You Know.

That said, however:
HEY EXXON!! WANNA TELL ME WHY YOU STILL HAVEN'T PAID PUNITIVE DAMAGES FOR THE FUCKING VALDEZ YET? IT WAS 19 GODDAMN YEARS AGO, YOU FUCKIN' CLOWNS! DID THE THOUGHT OF LIGHTING CIGARS WITH FIFTIES, RATHER THAN HUNDREDS, GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES? PAY THEM OFF, YOU RAMPAGING COCK-MONKEYS, AND HIRE SOBER BOAT CAPTAINS!

Cockbites.