An Overdose Of Calorie-Free Low-Fat Stimulation

Right.

Let's talk, for just a minute, about President Obama's proposed, and no doubt soon-to-be adopted stimulusalooza, shall we?

$825 billion is the latest guess at how much it will cost.

That's more than TARP which we screamed about, and more than the AIG bailout - all four of them combined - and more than the automaker bailout, and more than...

...Aw, hell, it doubles out national debt. Aren't the Democrats the ones that have been screaming for years about how Bush driving up the national debt was the very worst thing that could possibly happen ever? Why does it suddenly get a free pass now, hmmmm?

...Gotta be the Kool-aid....

Right. On with it.

Of the proposed $825 billion, it will break down as follows: (not to worry, I will break each down later.)

• $145 billion in "tax cuts." 
  
• $43 billion for increased unemployment benefits.
  
• $39 billion for expanded healthcare benefits for the unemployed.
  
• $20 billion to increase food stamp benefits.
  
• $41 billion for school improvements, including better buildings, computer upgrades and teacher training.
  
• $15 billion to increase the maximum Pell grant by $500 in 2009-10; plus, increases to the annual unsubsidized Stafford Loan limits.
  
• $14 billion in tax credits of up to $2,500 a year for college students with an annual income below $80,000.
  
• $6 billion for college building improvements.
  
• $79 billion to help states offset education costs.
  
• $4 billion for more preventative care programs. (Health care.)
  
• $1.5 billion for improvements at community health centers.
  
• $20 billion to computerize health care records.
  
• $87 billion for states to help pay Medicaid costs.
  
• $6 billion to weatherize moderate income homes, making them more energy efficient.
  
• $4 billion for homeowners to take up to 30% of the cost of conservation measures as a tax credit, up to $1,500 per person.
  
• $300 million for consumers to replace old appliances.
  
• $500 million to help rural families secure mortgages.
  
• $16 billion in energy retrofits and improvements for public housing.
  
• $30 billion for highway and bridge construction projects.
  
• $10 billion for mass transit, including new lines, buses, trains and stations.
  
• $3 billion to expand congested airports.
  
• $1.15 billion for better land and sea ports.
  
• $4 billion for more police officers and equipment.
  
• $500 million for better airport screening detectors.
  
• $31 billion to modernize public buildings, making them more energy efficient.
  
• $3.1 billion for improvements on public lands, including new roads, trails and facilities at national parks.
  
• $6 billion for broadband Internet access in rural areas.
  
• $400 million for flood control efforts, which include buying and preserving open land around the country.
  
• $6 billion for communities to replace aging sewer lines.
  
• $4.2 billion for towns to purchase and rehabilitate foreclosed, vacant homes.
  
• $32 billion for a "smart" utility grid and renewable energy production.
  
• $10 billion for science research facilities.
  

This comes thanks to CNNMoney, although I got the link from Yahoo. Then I stripped out their editorializing, because I plan to do my own.

Riiiiiiight.

So, let's exhaustively discuss all of this, hmmmm?

• $145 billion in "tax cuts."  How does this play out, exactly? As a $500 / person rebate ($1000 for couples) that is only for people making less than $75,000 a year. In other words, open socialist income redistribution, which I don't like any better when Obama does it than I did when Bush did it. Stealing from the rich to give to the poor is STILL STEALING.
  
• $43 billion for increased unemployment benefits. This is the same problem as above, but even worse, because it's going to people who aren't even working. For the record, there are jobs available. Plenty of them. It's just that sometimes you have to swallow pride and go apply at someplace where you're making less money then you're used to. Grow up and be an adult; paying your rent is more important than maintaining an image.
  
• $39 billion for expanded healthcare benefits for the unemployed. Again, just as with the above. Stealing is still stealing, even if you call it something else.
  
• $20 billion to increase food stamp benefits. Aaaaaaand again. So far, the rich folks who will actually be paying these massive sums in taxes... oh, wait, the only taxes that will go up are the CORPORATE ones, right? Because poor people don't buy things from big companies like Wal-Mart, and so they will of course be totally unaffected when prices go through the roof about 6 months from now. Right.
  
• $41 billion for school improvements, including better buildings, computer upgrades and teacher training. Weren't they supposed to be doing this anyway, and at a state level? Where's all THAT money been going? Plus, it's funny that it takes $41 billion to upgrade every school building in the country, which is the only way this is even sort of fair, when.... well, I'll hit that in a minute.
  
• $15 billion to increase the maximum Pell grant by $500 in 2009-10; plus, increases to the annual unsubsidized Stafford Loan limits. Because God knows, if tuition at colleges is too wacky, we should let students get into even MORE trouble with vast student loans that then crush their lives ever after, rather than, say, doing something to reduce the tuitions, like telling colleges "no more federal funding unless you start cutting costs."
  
• $14 billion in tax credits of up to $2,500 a year for college students with an annual income below $80,000. Which is just plain fake, essentially, since students already get tremendous tax breaks, and that combined with the average college student's income means this won't get applied to, well, anyone, really, since most college students never really PAY any taxes to start with. Except for grown-up rich people who go back to double-dip, I guess. Well, bully for them.
  
• $6 billion for college building improvements. Because that can't come from the $30,000 a semester colleges are charging in-state students, now.
  
• $79 billion to help states offset education costs. Like, the ones that they pay for out of property taxes, and for which they aren't supposed to require federal help to tax us again?
  
• $4 billion for more preventative care programs. Because preventive care is critically important for keeping people from, you know, dying. Which is why it only needs $4 billion, but paying for colleges supposedly already paid for by state taxes takes $79 billion.
  
• $1.5 billion for improvements at community health centers. Because the communities can't do that themselves, neither can their municipalities out of their taxes, nor can the states with their taxes. It's gotta be the feds... with THEIR taxes.
  
• $20 billion to computerize health care records. Because it costs FIVE TIMES MORE to pay for data-entry clerks than it does for preventive care. Jesus Christ, doesn't anyone else see how fucking stupid this is? Plus, God knows, I can't WAIT to have a hacker getting into my health care records. "Dr. Finkelstein, isn't that a HEALTHY kidney you're removing?" "Well, the data file says this one has necrosis and is as hard as a pebble, so..." CAN'T WAIT.
  
• $87 billion for states to help pay Medicaid costs. Because that little program, you know, is too expensive. WE CAN'T AFFORD IT. Because government health care costs too goddamn much for the tax structure to support it. And yet, why NOT throw good money after bad, after all? It's worked so well with the banks... Oh, wait.
  
• $6 billion to weatherize moderate income homes, making them more energy efficient. This one is... wow. Let's spend billions of dollars of tax money to give poor people the same weather stripping you can get at the hardware store for $4.95 a box. Let's call the poor in this country, oh, I don't know, 240 million of the 330 million people here, and give them five boxes of hardware store weather stripping apiece. Want to bet this program doesn't work that well?
  
• $4 billion for homeowners to take up to 30% of the cost of conservation measures as a tax credit, up to $1,500 per person. "Conservation measures" presumably including the aforementined weather stripping? So now they can take free money to buy weather stripping and then claim it as a tax credit as well? Jeeeeeeeeez. The stupid, it burns!
  
• $300 million for consumers to replace old appliances. Why do I suspect that this will somehow magically NOT work out into me getting a new fridge?
  
• $500 million to help rural families secure mortgages. Because all the other mortgage programs the government's tried have worked... Oh, so well.
  
• $16 billion in energy retrofits and improvements for public housing. Which is the same program as the weather stripping one above, only this one's for the DIRT poor people living in public housing, not to mention the illegal aliens, which means that it has to cost 4 times as much for far fewer people. GREAT math skills.
  
• $30 billion for highway and bridge construction projects. OK! Here we finally get to actually create some jobs! Of course, these are construction jobs, which go away as soon as $30 billion worth of highways and bridges are finished, but hey, I've seen construction crews; they can keep that shit going for decades if they play their cards right and have a good friend at the state inspector's office. We'll come back to this one.
  
• $10 billion for mass transit, including new lines, buses, trains and stations. Here's more jobs! Yay! Mass transit's been SO successful being installed after-the-fact in modern cities, after all. Just look at Houston!
  
• $3 billion to expand congested airports. Just $3 billion? I've been all over the place, and I've NEVER been to an airport that wasn't "congested." What we NEED in the airports, is less crap between passengers and "getting on the damn plane." THAT will decrease congestion, let me tell you.
  
• $1.15 billion for better land and sea ports. OK, what precisely is a "land" port? I know what a sea port is, but a land port? How does a ship sail anywhere on the land? I must be missing something.
  
• $4 billion for more police officers and equipment. THIS one I actually approve of, since this is a legitimate function of government, and they should be doing that anyway.
  
• $500 million for better airport screening detectors. Again, this is legit, but why aren't they doing this anyway?
  
• $31 billion to modernize public buildings, making them more energy efficient. How come "stopping terrorists from flying more planes into buildings" costs only $500 million, but "modernizing public buildings" is worth $31 billion - 62 times as much? Maybe it's MY priorities that are screwed up here - but I don't think so.
  
• $3.1 billion for improvements on public lands, including new roads, trails and facilities at national parks. This, again, should already be happening from the vast sums of money we pay in taxes for this every year, but hey, who's counting at this late date?
  
• $6 billion for broadband Internet access in rural areas. Because the government is supposed to be doing this, instead of Embarq, Verizon, Comcast... Oh, wait. While I'm at it, note that public buildings using CFL bulbs is worth more than 5 times as much as y'all hayseed motherfuckers getting to use Hulu.
  
• $400 million for flood control efforts, which include buying and preserving open land around the country. That's right, buy up MORE public lands, which then become permanently unavailable to individuals, and cost the public for upkeep, maintenance... Flood control...
  
• $6 billion for communities to replace aging sewer lines. Because this is not the job of, say, the communities, and their local governments. No, we need to steal from people in Idaho, to pay for sewer lines in Florida.
  
• $4.2 billion for towns to purchase and rehabilitate foreclosed, vacant homes. Which will make SO much money, after they then sell those houses at very reasonable rates to people who are.... low income minority families that will then default on their mortgages and leave the towns holding the bag A SECOND TIME...
  
• $32 billion for a "smart" utility grid and renewable energy production. This is actually a good thing, and needs to happen, and it is NOT the job of the federal government; it is the job of the power companies that own those grids, period.
  
• $10 billion for science research facilities. And finally, this, which... I don't personally agree with - same reason, my money, not theirs - but at the same time, a lot of good has come out of government science labs, like VX nerve gas, nuclear weapons, weaponized anthrax, why, the list just goes on and on!
  

OK!

So, I have some questions I'd like answered here.

First, the claim is that this 800+ billion dollars will create less than 4 million new jobs; that comes out to roughly $200,000 a job. (Obama's claiming 3.625 million jobs; I rounded up to give him the benefit of the doubt, so it comes out to $206, 250 a job.) I have a better idea than all of this: Why not give the poorest 82.5 million people in this country $10,000 apiece? I GUARANTEE that will do more to "stimulate" the economy than this pile of horseshit I just discussed.

Second, is it really beyond the bounds of people's capacity to understand how taxes actually work? The premise of this plan is to inject money in the economy, to get things moving. But all of it is tax money; before it can be spent, it must first come OUT of the economy. How can it actually make a significant change? One, minus one, is zero; a dollar given to the economy, that's first taken out of the economy, means NOTHING HAPPENED to the economy. Am I going too fast for people, really?

Third, I've seen articles everywhere the last week or so with small-town mayors saying they were going to spend "stimulus" money on... museums to shit no-one cares about or there would be a museum for it already, libraries in neighborhoods where no-one reads, and....

OK, I remember the "bridge to nowhere" in Alaska being a huge deal, and seeing it held up as a glaring example of government spending run amok; how, exactly, is creating thousands of bridges to nowhere NOT GOVERNMENT SPENDING RUN AMOK?

That's a serious question; this is more than minor Kool-Aid drinking, here, this is absolute looniness. Complete insanity to suggest that something is bad, but claim that the same thing is now ok because someone else is in charge of it.

Of course, "communism would work, if the right people were in charge," isn't that right, lefties?

...And yet, somehow, despite the endless parade of "right people," it just never quite... does.

But hey, why not give it another go? Fifty-third time's the charm, after all.