It's The Lies That Cause The Cancer, I Tell You...

And several examples of this sadly hit the news services today.



I'm going to tell you all about it. I bet you're just FIRED RIGHT UP with antici-





-pation.



(If you don't get that joke, you're either very sheltered or under 20. Either way, HAHA.)



First off, in a blatant attempt to ingratiate themselves with the U. S.  government, the government of Syria "foiled" a plot to carbomb the U. S. embassy in Damascus.



Why the quotes? Because the Western investigators who looked at the evidence after the hoopla was all over are "not convinced it wasn't staged."



Which means at least some of them are convinced it WAS staged. Which means Syria set up a fake terrorist attack to try to make us like them.



It's the lies that cause the cancer.



Secondly, ever since Kinky Friedman, bizarre and likely-to-win gubernatorial candidate in Texas, said that the Katrina refugees who'd come to Texas were by and large "crackheads and thugs," people have been calling him racist, prejudiced, blah, blah, blah.



The facts? Of the 262 murders they've had this year so far, a number 20% higher than prior to the arrival of the refugees, for your information,  the city of Houston has discovered that 59 of those murders involved Katrina refugees, on either side of the body bag.



I'm sorry, the numbers don't bear out your hypothesis, there. Mr. Friedman seems to be a fairly accurate assessor of reality, and too honest for his own good, might I add. Let's hope he gets elected, it might be nice to see an HONEST person in office one of these days.



Lies, lies, lies. They cause cancer, you know.



Another batch of people who are telling lies, well-meaning enough but lies nonetheless, are the conspiracy cranks. Like the folks who made "Loose Change," a "documentary" purporting to provide evidence that our government in fact faked the events of 9/11.



Mkay. They purport to have seismological evidence of multiple explosions in the WTC buildings - you know, they were DEMOLISHED, not brought down by the planes. The problem, of course, is that the actual seismographic records show no such thing.



They also explain the damage to the Pentagon as caused by a cruise missile, because the hole was too small for a plane - with convincing enough graphics, but wait - the eyewitness they quote as saying "it looked like a cruise missile with wings" told Popular Mechanics magazine that that was how he described the American Airlines plane, because it was flying so low it didn't look real.



You may remember, or you may not, that the FAA and the Air Force recently released the audio tapes of the air controllers at NORAD that day, thus proving that Flight 93 was in fact pretty clearly not shot down by the Air Force, despite the conspiracy nuts' yammerings, because they didn't have any planes within intercept range of it by a huge margin; they thought Flight 93 was headed towards the Capitol building, and were scrambling to get someone there.



A pack of lies, I tell you. And I'm tired of it.



Stop trying to rewrite history. Stop trying to tell us things that aren't true, especially if they require us to be brain-dead vegetables incapable of rational thought to be believed.





And before anyone asks about the title, let me answer their question.



Have you seen the list of shit that causes cancer?



No? Well, here it is.



Once you do some research, and get past all the long-ass chemical names, you wind up with a list of products that contains every single thing you do, eat, drink, wear, smell, or have sex with to have fun.



Riiiiight. That just means you don't friggin' know.



So, here's my theory. Everyone, everywhere, has told at least one lie.



That means every single individual in history who's every gotten cancer, has also told lies.



That means that the most clear, defined common factor among cancer victims, regardless of race, creed, gender, height, weight, eating habits, smoking preference, drinking, sexual predilections, artificial sweeteners, clothing fabric choice, geographical location, exposure to insect pests, exposure to industrial chemicals, or diet, is lying.



Occam's Razor - the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one - tells us that since lying is 100% present in cancer victims, and NO OTHER FACTOR CAN SAY THAT, the most likely cause of cancer is lying.



I repeat, and stand by it: It's The Lies That Cause The Cancer.



So there.