Xeno Williams: The Adventure Becomes An Endless Chain Of Direct-To-DVD Sequels

OK.

So, I am gonna (tentatively) call this the "final" post-surgical update.

Tentatively, because of course we don't know what might happen in the future.

But today, I went in to the doc, and he discovered that the reason I have had SO MUCH post-op pain, difficulty eating, difficulty swallowing, et cetera...

Was because of ONE stitch that was a little too tight.

So he removed it.

And I breathed a giant, gusty sigh of relief.

So, now I can talk - before it would pull if I moved my tongue.

Now I can eat - I still have to stick to soft stuff, but I can eat, as long as I'm careful

Now I can cough without thinking I'm going to die.

So, yeah, marked improvement.

The doc told me I have to stay home until next Friday, which is longer than I wanted to be out, but he says I am convalescing well, and the stitches will be dissolved in about ten days.

So: much less pain (good,) some more solid food (GREAT!) and I can talk (you know you missed it) in exchange for a bit longer off work than I really wanted to spend.

My apnea, however, seems as of now to be almost entirely gone; not only am I sleeping better, but I'm hardly even snoring anymore, which is a VAST improvement, and was the whole main reason for getting this done in the first place.

So.

Painful? Oh, hell yeah. Surgery sucks; there's no way really around that, especially when you - like me - are a three-percenter.

...Side effects, I'm talking about side effects. They work like rain forecasts.

You know, "20% chance of rain," doesn't mean "there is a 20% chance THAT IT WILL RAIN," it means there's a 100% chance that it will rain, on 20% of the viewing area.

Drug side effects work the same way. They say "there's a slight (3%) chance of side effects such as nausea."

This doesn't mean "there's a 3% chance that there will be nausea."

It means there is a 100% chance that 3% of the patients will puke like Linda Blair.

...Vicodin, like essentially every pain drug out there except ibuprofen, turns me into a three-percenter; I puke like Linda Blair when they give me pain drugs.

So, I'm DELIGHTED to report that I am now far enough along that the doc told me to go back to ibuprofen, which means that for the first time since the surgery I have painkillers that work, and I FEEL GREAT!

Thank you all for putting up with my grumping and bitching, none more so than my lovely wife, who has displayed the patience of a saint this week.