Looking around, as I typically do in the mornings, in the elaborate jungle we technoliterati call "teh intartubez" I stumbled across an article which interested me.
Apparently, my long-held theory that morality is inherent in a living being of sufficient complexity was...
...Predictably, dead in the black. Scientists have discovered a particular structure in the brain that essentially evaluates situations for moral value; that is its only function, but it is measurable and quantifiable.
But wait, this gets SO much better. Bear with me, here, as we go merrily spelunking into the implications of the next part.
See, along with the discovery of the "morality center" in the brain, came the discovery that it could be altered or turned off...
I so wish I was kidding.
But I'm not.
So, let's examine this.
We know from recent elections that urban areas almost entirely and universally go Democrat.
We know that rural areas almost entirely and universally go Republican.
We know that rural areas are short on massive, magnetic field-generating power systems, while urban areas are loaded up with double-plus bonus ones.
Plus Wi-Fi.
Plus cell towers.
So, accordingly, I have a few questions.
First, if the centers of magnetic field concentration are also the centers of Democrat votes, does that mean people have to have their morality turned off to vote Democrat?
Second, can we come up with some sort of chain letter email alleging that Democrats have their brains turned off WITH ACTUAL SCIENTIFIC SUPPORT?
Third, short of living in Faraday cages, what can we do about this?
*Thinks laboriously*
OMG IT ARE TINFOIL HAT TIME!!1!
/tongueincheek
In seriousness, there is actual scientific evidence that magnetic fields can alter a person's moral compass, and considering the massive correlation between Democrat voting districts and magnetic field concentration, as comical as I find this, it might in fact be accurate to say that the Democrats are actually INCAPABLE of comprehending morality, because their moral centers are malfunctioning thanks to their cell phones, netbooks, Starbucks, McDonalds, and massive, massive power wires.
This of course as yet fails to explain MY issues, but then, my moral compass is just fine; it's my "able to function normally and without twitching" that's not so hot.
So.
Remember when your grandparents told you that the internet and cell phones were tools of the devil?
OMG THEY WERE RIGHT!!!
...If there wasn't actual scientific support for this, I would be laughing so hard I'd split a rib.
