...I would be a terrible politician.
I admit it and accept my limitations as such.
Many of you...
Ok, since there aren't "many" of you to start with, I'd say "most" more accurately, I guess.
*ahem*
Most of you are no doubt nodding in agreement now. That's ok. I'm glad we all understand each other.
The thing is, I'd bet that my reasoning here is different from yours.
See, you guys are thinking, "he's profane, loud-mouthed, long-winded, and blathers endlessly about things that aren't interesting to me."
Those of you that think that's a list of NON-qualifications evidently have never listened to Ted Kennedy speak in public.
The real reason that I would be a terrible politician - and no doubt ousted at the end of my first term - is because I try, though I don't admittedly always succeed - to be logical.
For example, can someone explain to me a logical reason why a health-care bill needs to be A THOUSAND FUCKING PAGES LONG?
Just one. I'd like to see it.
In real life, there is no such thing as a "law" the public actually needs, that has to be that long. Tops, even if the idea is really complicated and requires a huge number of specific itemized lists, is like 300. Less than that, really, because the more complicated your idea is, the more likely it is that you made a mistake somewhere, and that's a very bad thing.
So.
What it really means when you have a bill A THOUSAND FUCKING PAGES LONG, is that you have at most maybe 300 pages of actual legislation related to the stated intent of the bill, and 700+ pages of earmarks, pork projects, and little line-items that you couldn't get passed any other way and are now going to put into effect by including them in a law that you know the President will have no choice but to sign.
See, here's how this works.
Let's start first - I know this will be a challenge - but let's start by giving President Obama the benefit of the doubt as far as we can, and make the (granted, by current events totally unwarranted) assumption that the man is honestly trying to improve things.
Then let's pretend we're a Senator.
After all of the rhetoric, both on the campaign trail and otherwise, given by Mr. Obama, about the crucial importance of healthcare reform, the simple fact is - and you KNOW this - that whatever Congress puts on his desk, no matter how much crap is attached to it, will be signed into law. President Obama has attached his fortunes and reputation (such as it is) to the idea of healthcare reform to such a vast extent that he, at this juncture, CANNOT refuse to sign, or worse veto, a bill about healthcare. No ifs, ands, or buts; he can't do it, because no matter what's in that bill, he will be absolutely excoriated by his own party faithful for his utter failure to pass what they will describe - again regardless of its actual contents - as "landmark reform."
What this means is that you can hold his political future hostage, unless he agrees to, well, whatever you feel like jamming in there.
Riders about funding for your favorite group; construction on bridges to nowhere; flat-out cash payments to all and sundry; earmarks so your constituents don't lynch you for the idea of them not having jobs, despite the fact that it isn't your job to provide them government employment; whatever you can forcibly insert into the tight, little...
...Well, ok, by the time a bill gets to open debate on the Senate floor, whatever its orifices might have looked like before the Finance Committee, they're certainly not what you could call "tight." Or "little."
