And if you're still here, then I don't want to hear any complaints. Reasoned disagreement, fine; I will rebut, and you may do the same, ad infinitum. But whining about "how rude" will be summarily deleted.
With that:
We bitch too much.
As a nation, we complain when we have no damn right to.
But more than that, we try endlessly to give our government exactly what it was designed not to have: total power over its citizens.
One way we do that is by trying endlessly to get federal legislation to cover all sorts of things that are properly none of the federal government's business.
For example:
Abortion. I hate to point this out, but murder is illegal. Killing babies, therefore, is already illegal. If there's a serious question, it is "when is the baby a person?"
This is a link to a gallery of really gross pictures; including an aborted fetus's tiny hands on a quarter. That's not a non-viable tissue mass, you arrogant, unconcerned assclowns, it's a fucking baby. And killing babies is fucking illegal. We don't need a law; we need you to shut the fuck up.
Gay marriage. Wow. What a HUGE issue, needing FEDERAL LAW. Nope. And it's not states' rights, either, sorry to disappoint. Why?
Because there's only one question, folks. Is marriage a religious ceremony or not? If it is, the federal government, under the establishment clause, is expressly forbidden from giving it any legal recognition AT ALL.
If it's NOT religious, then what possible objection can you have to gay people doing it?
If it's religious, you clowns, the government CANNOT PASS A LAW ABOUT IT. The Constitution says "not yours."
Prayer in the classrooms?
You know what my problem is? The notion that ANY religious instruction, of ANY KIND AT ALL, should be allowed in the classrooms is my problem. Why in the fuck isn't that in the churches where it belongs? You have an absolute right to attend any church you want; to take your kids there; to instruct them in any faith you wish.
What you don't have, is the right to attempt to indoctrinate MY son with your lame-brained babble. I don't care who you are; if you are a follower of ANY organized religion, I don't agree with you. Stop trying to force-feed your garbage to my child under the guise of religious freedom. It's freedom if he chooses to go to church; it's indoctrination if you place it on the curriculum at a school which purports to be teaching FACTS.
As far as that goes, Creationism: First, you are an illiterate, inbred, drooling monkey. Second, the Bible does not say, even once, that God didn't use evolution; it also doesn't say anything about the Big Bang not happening. It does say God said "let there be light," and then there was - and hey, I notice that scientists are still able to detect the light from the Big Bang even today.
It kind looks like what might happen if an omnipotent superbeing capable of creating a universe said "let there be light."
And more to the point, all you organized-brainwashing-ists, regardless of what you call yourselves: do you really honestly believe, in the depths of your heart, that God, the creator of all that is, gives a shit if you eat red meat on Fridays? Or what nickname you call him?
Or what you beg for in prayers, despite doing nothing to earn it?
I doubt it. I think if he concerns himself with you at all, he mostly finds you sadly amusing.
Let's see... we are a nation of hypocrisy writ large; we scream about how sex is bad, and we shouldn't even talk to our kids about it, and yet how much of it is there on the internet, and on TV? Wanna know why? Because it sells. SAtop buying it, you fucking liars, and it will go away.
Violent video games... let me think. What 12 year old has $50 to buy an M-rated game? Did your parents just so happen to pick that up without looking at the back, son? Ah. I see.
It's THE FUCKING PARENTS' FAULT. Not the game makers, not society, not whoever's the current lawsuit victim; it is the fault of the parents if there's something objectionable in what your kid's doing, you jackasses.
And on the same sub-topic, if you don't like Don Imus, CHANGE THE FUCKING CHANNEL. I personally find him ignorant, annoying, and completely lacking in value; but guess what? He has a Constitutionally guaranteed right to say WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. If it offends you, don't listen.
In fact, fuck you, for getting offended at a word. I notice those kids got pissed he said something about their hair, but not ONE of them objected to being characterized as a prostitute.
Your priorities are fucked.
And while I'm at it: fuck race guilt. I never oppressed anyone; I'll be goddamned if I owe anyone anything for shit that happened before I was born, inflicted BY someone dead TO someone dead. And fuck you for asking, too. No, you can't have a goddamn dime from me. Go get a job.
We have laws against "verbal assault," did you know that? What the fuck do we need a "hate speech" law for? Or a "hate crime" law?
You know why? Because the feds think - and your Senator thinks - that "them darkies, they can't fend for themselves, you know; they cave when someone taunts them like a five-year-old, so we have to pass a special law to protect them."
Can you honestly not see how demeaning that is? Even the perception of its necessity is insulting and racist; and I mean REALLY racist, not the kind of crap Al Sharpton's huckster ass gets all worked up about.
Instead, try this: when someone calls you a name, call them one back. Make one up. You think there's not enough good names for white people? Fine. Insult them in different ways. But stop bitching about it; it's something that any child up until about 15 years ago learned how to blow off from hearing it in a playground at school, and you're seriously CONCERNED over its IMPACT on our CULTURE? Shut UP, man, your whiner-baby ways only go so far.
And that right there is something else. Dude. Stop suing people. Seriously. If you fall on your ass on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean you get rubber fucking sidewalks; it means you need to learn to look where you're going, so you don't fall down.
Pizza fresh out of the oven is fucking hot. You don't get to sue because steam rising off it isn't a hint to you. Same goes for coffee, or any other food product. You didn't get fat because of McDonald's; you got fat because you eat to goddamn much and don't exercise. See the people who are all fit? They DO work out, and eat right. They EARNED that; there was no rubber band around your stomach involved, you lazy asshat.
You don't get to sue if your "injury" was your own fault. That's not how it works. If you own a gun, and you never teach your kid that ALL GUNS ARE LOADED ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT, then it's YOUR GODDAMN FAULT if your kid shoots someone "by accident." You don't get to sue for getting caught breaking the law.
Which brings me to illegal immigration.
YOU FUCKHEADS, IT IS ILLEGAL!!!!
You're not "criminalizing" people by saying so; they criminalized themselves when they BROKE THE FUCKING LAW.
Bullshit we can't round them up and deport them; go on TV, say something rude, and when they have a march or rally, which they will, deport the lot of them. Conspiracy to commit a crime is in itself a crime, and the people rallying in support of illegal aliens are advocating, quite publically, commission of a crime; this is de facto and de jure conspiracy to commit. Deport all of them, and don't let the legals come back without a hand-written 50-page letter of apology containing the sentence "I promise I will not do it again because the US is better than wherever you sent me to" a thousand times.
And while I'm at it, why aren't these people deported by any of the other federal agencies they go to for help? Recently a local employer got busted with literally hundreds of illegals; ICE rounded them up and deported them. The next day, the low-income housing was almost vacant; WIC had more money, welfare had more money, even the electric-bill assistance folks had more money, because they weren't spending it on the FUCKING ILLEGAL ALIENS.
Yet none of those agencies made step one to try to get those people busted for taking advantage of federal programs.
Oh, and before I quit ranting, I want a very special "FUCK YOU" to go to anyone who thinks that driving an electric car is better for the environment. Why? Because first, electricity does not come from the magical jellybean fields, you fucktard cockmonkeys, it comes from power plants which run on fossil fuels.
And second, they don't have to strip-mine for the batteries in a Hummer.
So your paper-mache greenmobile is in fact more damaging to the environment than my gas-guzzling '85 Dodge.
Blow me. My carbon footprint beats yours all to hell and gone, despite your blathering about being so good for the environment.
And just how many of those pamphlets you wave around wildly are printed on recycled paper, hmmm?
Clowns.
In conclusion, I may be a rude bastard, but you know what? I don't infringe on anyone's rights; I don't rob, steal, or break the law in any way more serious than speeding. My carbon footprint is smaller than yours; my environmental impact is smaller than yours; and at least I don't try to tell people how great I am. My friends will tell you; I admit up front that I'm an arrogant, know-it-all, rude jerk.
But at least I have the truth-in-advertising laws on my side. What do you have?
Soy milk?
Yum. You can keep it.
