...And We're starting The New Year Off Right, I See...

Sen. Joe Biden does something intelligent!

Supreme Court nominees are so mum about the major legal issues at their Senate confirmation hearings that the hearings serve little purpose and should probably be abandoned, Democratic Sen. Joe Biden said Thursday.

Nearly a miracle, I'd call that. Not the idea, which was good, but the fact that a seated Senator came up with it. This sounds like the kind of thing you'd expect from someone with a political axe to grind against big government, instead of Senator Joe Biden, whose leftist leanings are semi-notorious.


The black man who successfully infiltrated the Ku Klux Klan is now retired. They said of him, and I quote: "He was a good, loyal Klansman." In fact, they went so far as to ask him to lead the Colorado Springs chapter of the Klan. This, of course, just goes to show you that you don't necessarily have to be smart to join a malignant racist terrorist group.


The helicopter pilot who stopped the My Lai massacre is dead, having passed away from cancer in Alexandria, Louisiana at the age of 62. Hugh Thompson was the pilot who stopped the murder of civilians in the village of My Lai by holding the troops back at gunpoint while evacuating the remaining civilians.

Sea lions like hybrid-engine cars. No, really - or at least the one who picked a Toyota Prius as a good bench in Seattle on Wednesday does. Can you imagine the surprise that guy had to feel? "Ok, good latte, time to go back to work - OH MY GOD, on my car, it's a sea lion!"


Remember the thing a few weeks ago about Sony's use of rootkits in their DRM system being classed as spyware? Guess who else uses them? Symantec does, for one. Who's Symantec, you ask? The guys who make Norton Internet Security, that's all. You know - the one that promises to protect you from spyware and viruses? Yeah, them.

Lancaster ISD in Texas is doing probably the least intelligent thing I've ever heard of from a school board yet: suspending students for not completing homework for the Christmas break. That's right, kids, if you go on winter break and then don't turn in your homework, you can go right back on break again! Isn't that wonderful? Remember what I've said before about school boards. "Stupid" isn't a big enough word for them.

There is a serial killer - of cows - in Tooele County, Utah. That's right, he kills cows. With a rifle. For no reason. And pissed-off ranchers are offering an $11,000 reward for information leading to his arrest. This just in: someone in Utah has entirely too much damn free time.

Ok. I want you to read all the way to the end of this story before you start laughing about the pathetic state of things in our nation's capitol.
Marion Barry, who you may remember from a few years ago, is in trouble again. In 1991, Barry, then the mayor of Washington, D.C., was caught on videotape smoking crack with a hooker, and served six months in jail. Then, after getting out, he was elected to the City Council, where he has since "served." Now, after October's issues with tax fraud, he's in trouble for failing his court-mandated drug test. That's right, he's still a crackhead. Now here's the really, really good part, are you ready?
Oh, what the hell, I'll just quote it.

Barry was put on probation under the condition that he be tested for drugs. If he violated the terms of his probation, he could be sentenced to as much as 18 months in jail.

Under provisions in the city charter, the misdemeanor charges would not make Barry ineligible to vote in the district, allowing him to keep his council seat even if he is sentenced to jail.

Get that? EVEN IF HE GOES TO JAIL HE CAN KEEP HIS CITY COUNCIL SEAT. Does anyone else find this faintly ridiculous? Oh, by the way, you can laugh now.

Remember me mentioning in July that the Pentagon's Super Electric Death Ray was being put on hold? Well, not to worry, because they still have many, many more Super Death Rays soon to come, just not any electric ones. Including the Voice From Heaven. What a name for it, guys. Jeez.

Maryland is making huge strides in Youth Education, as shown by their decision this week to return (!?!) a book entitled "The Earth, My Butt, And Other Big Round Things" to their school libraries. More fun from school boards. Yay!

The global warming eco-freaks are the proud recipients of another, this time extra-violent Reality Check today - and this one won't bounce, either. A new study has found that the #1 - by a lot - source of greenhouse gases in the world is - wait for it - plants. Yeah, plants, you know, like the ones the eco-weirdos want to grow after they bulldoze the cities? Turns out a forest is a far bigger polluter than a city is. Oh, the irony. The sweet, sweet irony.

Being as it's January, Captain Obvious is getting a good start: German scientists have determined that CDs you burn at home don't last as long as store-bought ones. No kidding - and the list of cruddy ones includes anything from Columbia House, too. You know why? Because the physical media used for "burnable" CDs is less resistant to heat, which can cause the data stored on the CD to become unreadable to the laser. Excuse me, but "Duh." This, of course, explains the GIGANTIC leaps forward in technology that the Germans have produced over the last few years: look at where their research dollars are going. Oh, wait, excuse me, "euros."

Lindsay Lohan, the "actress" and drug-addled wasted-looking imbecile, is "upset" that Vanity Fair magazine has published an article saying she's a drug-addled, wasted-looking imbecile. Too bad: the magazine replied to her tantrum to Newsweek by saying

In response, a statement from Vanity Fair reads, "Evgenia Peretz is one of our most reliable reporters. Every word Lindsay Lohan told her is on tape. Vanity Fair stands by the story."

Whole Foods just became the nation's largest corporate customer of renewable energy, switching all their stores and facilities to wind power only. There's not much more to say; that's a perfect example of putting your money where your mouth is, and I for one hope it works for them.

Remember the mutiny on the Bounty? Or, at least, the movie about it? Well, Captain Stephen Bligh, descendant of the original Captainy Bligh, is suffering from the same problem. 1100 Coast Guard workers, crewmen, and safety inspectors under his command voted they had "no confidence" in him, and the British Department of Transport has confirmed that he will leave his directorial post by the end of the month. I would say "maybe you shouldn't have made a point of claiming the relationship" but that seems a little obvious.

Paranoia nuts rejoice: Britain seems determined to prove you right, and they're starting off by banning drivers who make rude gestures (or, in fact, any other kind of gestures) at speed cameras. 21-year-old Sean Toehill is the first of what will no doubt be many, many drivers ticketed and banned from driving for this offense, especially since after this, drivers will be making gestures a lot ruder than the one he made, which is pictured in the article.

Returning to my previous mention of my earlier article (follow that? Good.) about SunnComm and Sony's DRM nightmare, Sony CEO Howard Stringer says that it's unfair to blame Sony for the errors of one of its smaller subsidiaries. Not, of course, that both companies are named SONY, or anything. Or that the parent keiretsu has done anything to discourage the association of the two prior to this recent PR catastrophe. It must be convenient to be able to pass off problems internal to your company which cause enormous dissatisfaction among your customers as "unfair."

Steven Spielberg is really angry, no doubt, about the latest DRM disaster. Why? Because it means he almost certainly won't get any awards from Britain for "Munich." How's that, you ask? Well, to protect the screeners of the movie from evil, evil piracy, they encrypted them in such a way that they would only play on a specific player used by the British Film Academy - but they encoded them for Region 1, which meant that the British players, of course, could not read them. Thus, the film has missed both rounds of voting without the Academy members even having seen it, and as they are not allowed to vote for a film sight unseen, it seems likely that the film will be disqualified. Gooooooo, DRM!

Microsoft is trying to cover up the fact that the XBOX360 sucks by saying that they might, in the future, add Blu-Ray support, and will definitely, in future, add HD-DVD support for owners who BUY AN ADD-ON. Now, think back with me to the last time you heard of an add-on for a home viedogame system that actually sold well. Remember? That's right, the light gun for the original NES. Over 15 years ago. There have been dozens and dozens of add-on products made since then, but they just never seem to work out, epecially since companies seem to be completely unable to understand that people WILL NOT BUY extra crap if it costs as much as the original system did. Oh well. I don't care; I'm going to buy a PlayStation 3 when it comes out.

And since another article mentioning Sony would be just what the doctor ordered to round out this helping of Week 2 goofiness, here goes: Sony came up with yet another new, inventive ad campaign. This one's just as offbeat as the PSP ads on television, but even more oddly placed: they're "fake graffiti." That's right, Sony's been hiring artists to do fully-legal and authorized "wall art" depicting people, animals, and sometimes aliens doing strange things with their PSP handhelds. Now, apparently, the ad campaign isn't punishment enough for gamers; now we have to listen to bloviating about it from New York City Councilman Peter Vallone, Jr., who wants to force Sony to pay $20,000 to an anti-graffiti campaign. Ok, and while you're at it, take down all the damn billboards, too. Them bastards.
Here's a clue, chief, since you don't seem to have one: if they're legal, which they are, and they had permission, which they did, you don't have a legal leg to stand on. In fact, you'd better watch your ass, there, because Sony might decide to sue you for violating their First Amendment rights - and by extension, those of graffiti "artists" everywhere. Just keep in mind that if the Supreme Court ever rules in favor of Sony on this, it will strike down hundreds, even thousands, of local anti-graffiti laws as unConstitutional, and that would be bad. Even I think that would be bad, and I'm a serious proponent of free speech. See, the trick is, folks, that there's no way to distinguish the "good" graffiti from the "bad" graffiti, and if you allow some of it, you allow all of it. I suspect, because it's not very popular and Sony already said they were pulling the ads in a month ANYWAY, that this is what we call a self-correcting problem - if you ignore it, it'll go away. If you mess with it, it only gets worse.