Oh, The Sweet, Sweet Revenge...

Oddly, you may remember this...
A few months ago, I violently ranted about the maniacal idiocy of the residents of New London, Connecticut, who took their case opposing their city council's proposed use of eminent domain as a tool for increasing their tax base to the Supreme Court and lost, allowing local government across the country to go buck wild. Now, folks, it's payback time. Are you ready for this?

Now, New Hampshire residents have succeeded in placing a referendum on this year's election ballot to use eminent domain to confiscate Supreme Court Justice Souter's home, with the intent of replacing it with a hotel.

But wait!

That's not all!

Oh, no!

Olathe City, Kansas city councilmen moved on Tuesday to start the eminent domain acquisition of the home of - one of the other city councilmen!
Excuse me while I laugh hysterically.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1!

heh, heh, wheeeee....

Ok, I think I'm ok now.

Heh.
On to other, equally weighty matters; apparently, scientists still have too much damn free time. Want to know why I think so? They've spent time, money, and effort studying the effects of sex on human behavior, and come up with this: sex relaxes you before a public speaking gig. Well, no fuckin' kidding. You actually had to study this to figure it out?

Lemme be clear. Anybody who's ever HAD sex knows the aftermath is pretty seriously relaxing. Only single, extra-nerdy scientist types don't know this off the top of their heads.

On a more serious note, Hamas won the Palestinian Authority elections on Thursday. How big a problem is this? Well, let me put it like this. Late Palestinian Prime Minister Yassir Arafat's party were the Palestinian moderates. Hamas is fuckin' crazy. Folks, this is a group that has in its charter a stated intent to destroy the nation of Israel, and they refused on Thursday to consider modifying their charter to remove that portion. That is a message that speaks pretty clearly to the upcoming total collapse of the peace process in the Middle East, don't you think? Hamas is a bunch of psychotic terrorists, and now they are the duly elected government of an already violence-prone ethnic group. Can anyone say "disaster waiting to happen" with me?

An Olympia, Washington prison inmate had an "I've fallen, and I can't get up" moment soon after escaping from prison Tuesday. How bad was it, really? The prison guards were the ones who overheard his cries for help. Best part? The guy had less than 10 days left on his sentence. Go, brainpower!

Ok, I just have to say, if you get a tattoo from a door-to-door salesman with a homemade tat gun, you are a frigging idiot. And if you, like the 3 women in Springfield, Missouri who agreed, get a horrible infection from it, up to and including hospitalization, then you just GOT WHAT YOU PAID FOR.

Congress is trying to pass a law which will totally eliminate Fair Use of your movies and music. This is no surprise to anyone who's been reading this page, of course, but this one's really scary - it limits "fair use" to what the bill calls "customary and historic uses." What that means is that unless it works the same way as the devices you have now, it can't happen, which means no more technological advances for us, ever. EVER. Write your Congressman and bitch.

Now, before I start the Hero File, one last hideously ironic tidbit for you: the MPAA is being sued for illegally distributing someone's movie without permission. You read it right - the folks who have been running wild with lawsuits for the last few years, terrorizing anyone and anything they disagree with by calling them "pirates," is being sued for piracy.

See my above hysterical laughter.

And now, for the first time, The Hero File:

Canadian "Nettwerk Music Group" is helping defend one Texas teen who is being sued for piracy by the RIAA. That's right: a music company is HELPING its customers. NMG got involved after they found out that one of the songs the RIAA is suing the kid for is Avril Lavigne's "Sk8r Boi," a song by an artist recording on contract with NMG in the first place. If you didn't follow that, the RIAA is suing on behalf of the NMG, and NMG is paying for the defense. Makes sense, eh? Only in Canada, but still, good on ya, NMG. Fight the good fight - you, after all, can pay better lawyers than his parents probably can.

Our next hero is a group: the citizens of Vermont who forced a judge to change the utterly ridiculous 60-day sentence he gave a child molester. It's long past time the public learned to scream in outrage when judges do stupid-ass crap like this; way to go, Vermont!

Speaking of heroic stuuf, and hoping they don't get talked out of it, Senators John McCain of Arizona, and Dr. Tom Coburn, have decided that Congress supports too much pork. Really. Not like the tasty meat from a pig, either, but the billions of dollars Congress spends on crap, and as such they have vowed to challenge each and every pork-barrel project in the upcoming budget on an item-by-item basis. I don't know how far they'll be able to carry this, but goddammit, someone ought to try.

The principal of an elementary school in San Antonio, Shannon Allen, age 31, gave a royal beatdown to a crazy man who brought a gun to the school and tried to threaten the school office - she tackled him straight to the ground and held him long anough for the cops to get there. Gotta give respect to a principal who is willing to risk a bullet for the kids - and you'd be shocked how few of them there really are. Go Shannon.

And finally, I just have to say, if you get so drunk you attack a car with a sword and then don't even remember it, you are my personal drinking hero. Oh, wait, I've already got one, this guy in Edinburgh who already did it so you didn't have to.


Yes, folks, there are still heroes in the world, and we can all rest safe, assured that we will be defended by corrupt politicians, drunk Scotsmen, angry Texans, the citizens of Vermont and New Hampshire, and a Canadian music company.