Ok, Here's A Secret; Don't Use This Power For Evil.

I know sometimes you have to deal with Customer Service.

Most of the time - at least in my experience - they can, and will, resolve your problems. This is because most of the problems that happen, happen often enough that they have pre-scripted solutions in place to deal with them.

But you and I live in the real world. And we all know that sometimes it comes off the rails. Sometimes, the CSR's can't help you; sometimes they COULD but their supervisors don't want to hear "there's a problem and I can't fix it" from them.

So, I'm here to tell you how to deal with that.

First, make ABSOLUTELY SURE you have UTTERLY EXHAUSTED the company's normal channels for dealing with problems. Companies keep records of CSR transactions; if you do what I'm about to tell you, and they check the records and it turns out that you haven't gone through channels, this tactic will not only not work then, it will never work for you with that company again. This is because if and when they find out that you did NOT go through channels, they will simply ignore your antics in the future, and likely not attempt to solve your problems, no matter how legitimate the problems may be.

Second, at every stage of dealing with Customer Service and going through channels, take notes; maintain all records, documents, transactions, as well as a list of each interaction with any element of the company at all. The more evidence you provide them that something is screwy, the more likely it is that they will actually try to solve your problem.

Once your avenues of assistance have been exhausted, you write a letter. Preferably typed; your crayon and coffee-stained paper may look passionate to YOU, but to the people who are going to be looking at it, it looks like you're a nutjob, and that counts against you.

Spell-check it. Have your friend who majored in English proof-read it.

In that letter, detail exactly your problem; describe your interactions with Customer Service. Be accurate; lies will be found out. Describe your exact desired solution, and be reasonable. If your cell phone breaks, you're not going to get a year's free service from them; but it's perfectly reasonable to expect your phone to be replaced (as an example.) BE POLITE. Swearing will get your letter rejected. You can call them ignorant fuckmonkeys on your personal website; not in your letter, if you want to be taken seriously. They will be a lot more helpful if you don't call them names.

Supply them with enclosed copies of all your documentation; xeroxed if you're going to do this the snail-mail way, or scanned and attached as .jpgs if you're going to go the email route.

Once you've collected all your evidence and written your letter, it's time to think about targeting. For email, this is relatively easy; go to the company's website, and hit the "Contact Us" or "About Us" page; look for the email addresses of the contact people. usually, it looks something like "lastname.firstname@ourcompany.net" or some such. Once you've got that, hit Google Finance, and Yahoo Finance, and find out the names of the top execs.

THIS is where you use the CC: option in your email. When you've compiled your email, including your letter of complaint, your documentation, the attachments, everything, SEND it to the highest-ranked person on the list, with copies to everyone else whose names you can get your hands on. Particularly the Public Relations people; they CARE - because they're paid to - about what makes the company look good. It also helps if you send a copy to your local Better Business Bureau representative, at the same time: they WILL see that, and want the issue resolved right away, even if only so they can report to the BBB that it was fixed.

The snail mail version is to look up their actual mailing addresses; addressing the letters to their corporate jobs is ok, but finding their actual home addresses is better.

Send your letters.

This is what's known as a "Carpet Bomb," and make no mistake; it IS the "nuclear option" for dealing with customer service. Don't make threats about it - they will be noted in your file - just DO it. But ONLY do it after normal channels have been exhausted, because otherwise you will get labeled a crank and ignored, even if later problems crop up that are far more serious.

The only thing you can do that goes higher than this - the court of last resort, so to speak - is, if this option does not work, and your problem is NOT resolved, to send a copy of the letter and its attached documentation to your Congressman, along with the date you mailed it to the people in the company involved, and who you mailed it to, and the fact that it has not been resolved.

Bear in mind, at every stage here, that if they look at the record and find out you jumped outside channels, you will get labeled a crank and ignored; this is the option of last resort. It takes time, effort, and dedication on your part to get it right, which is one reason it works; the fact that you consider the matter serious enough to warrant this kind of attention weighs heavily in your favor when the executives have to decide how to deal with your issue.

Some valuable resources to aid your search for names and addresses:

Who'sWho Online
Yahoo! Finance
Google Finance
BetterWhoIs
The United States Securities And Exchange Commission
CorporateInformation.com This one is for-pay; you can get a complete report on the company in question for $25.

As I said in the title, don't use this power for evil. It is a LAST RESORT; use it as such. If it gets overused, it will become less effective, and we don't want that.

So, don't be "that guy" that has to screw it up for everyone by doing so much of it that they end up passing a law saying we can't anymore.