You have to love TIME magazine.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
A few days ago, a hungry eagle was flying over a landfill in Alaska. Looking down, it saw a deer's head. It flew down, evidently thinking of this as a gift from heaven - it's not every day an eagle gets to eat deer - and picked it up.
Sadly, the head was just a bit too heavy for the eagle, and after getting aloft and a good way towards home, the eagle started to get tired. And it began to fly lower and lower, not wanting to drop its prize.
Finally, it was just barely skimming the treetops, and disaster struck. The head, trailing below the eagle, snagged on a power line.
10,000 people lost power, and the eagle got fried.
That's a sad story on its own merits.
But reporting that fact is never good enough for a liberal mouthpiece like TIME.
Clearly the eagle is America (the eagle in that song John Ashcroft used to sing, "Let the Eagle Soar"), writing a check with its talons that its wings can't cash.
I'm sure it is.
As opposed to being, say, a hungry bird.
But that's not enough for TIME; they want to spell it right out for you, so you know EXACTLY what they're blathering about.
Before we decipher what it represents to us, let us ask what it represented to the eagle. Was the eagle going to eat that deer head ... or was he going to hang it on the wall of his eyrie?See, he couldn't have been intending to EAT it, or anything, hmmm? Because of course eagles love to keep trophies. Never mind that such behavior has never been observed in this species, ever.
EVER.
No, because it's a perfect opportunity to yammer wrongheadedly about something the author of the article clearly fails to understand, it must be either - he can't make up his mind - rich CEOs or Iraq. Both are OBVIOUSLY wrong, so that's what it must have represented instead of food. Not sustenance in winter; that would be too simplistic. After all, eagles clearly give a good goddamn about our political situation, and must have done this all as a gesture of solidarity, in his role as "symbol of America," with the left.
I'm serious; he comes right out and says it.
The secret word must be hypertrophy, Which means exaggerated, abnormal, generally unhealthy development or growth, as of an organ or an enterprise. Steroids ... obesity ... excessive CEO compensation ... a preemptive invasion that we can't get away with?
Somehow it seems to have escaped the author of the article that he works for a huge, bloated corporation. TIME is part of the same company as CNN, not a small media company. TIME, in fact, is one of the biggest media companies there is, with an executive staff that is just as grossly overcompensated as anyone else's.
But that doesn't count. Because they're not compensated for doing good business; they're compensated for telling the world the truth, and saving us from the woeful ignorance that might otherwise fool us into believing the obvious lies of our own perception.
...You know, those same lies that have gotten Rush Limbaugh nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize...
...Wait, what?
