Also known as, The Day Dave Failed So Hard His Neighbors Got Black Eyes From The Force.
Now, you guys know me; I am honest to a fault, snarky, sarcastic, impolite, crude, tactless, and inconsiderate.
And that's on a good day.
But I also work in retail, and if you work in retail and care AT ALL about the quality of your work, you try really, really hard to be extra-nice to every single customer.
Some customers deserve this more than others; admittedly, it can make you grit your teeth a bit to have to happily and cheerfully process returns for customers who "rent" from your store by buying items YOU KNOW IN ADVANCE THEY INTEND TO RETURN, using them until the very last day of their return period, and then getting a full refund...
...Which they use to "rent" something else.
You also know that this is a fairly large proportion of the truly staggering quantity of returns that consumer retailers get, daily, with reasons given such as "I didn't like it."
OK; you're allowed to return things because you didn't like them. "Renting" from a retailer is Not Cool™, and you should try one of the fine establishments that exists for that purpose, but sometimes it's legit; you bought it, didn't like it, and want something else instead.
Now, because in addition to the fine list of sterling qualities about myself I listed above, I am also careful, conscientious, attentive to detail, goal-oriented, prone to double-checking myself to avoid mistakes, and dedicated to my work ethic, when someone has a problem, I will move heaven and earth to try to get it fixed for them. Good customer service is something you have to work at, every day, and I put a lot of effort into it.
Like everyone else, I sometimes succeed and sometimes don't.
Today was, through a confluence of events I was absolutely astonished by, an epic failure on a scale previously associated with ancient civilizations built directly on the slopes of volcanoes erroneously thought to be extinct.
An older couple came up to me and asked me if I could process a return for them.
Upon my asking, they told me that they had bought a small TV for their breakfast nook, and didn't like it; the sound, they said, was tinny and nearly inaudible.
Fair enough, and they were very polite about it.
So, since they wanted a replacement, but not the same model, I processed the return and gave them a gift card for the purchase price, so they could look for something with which they would be more satisfied.
Problem solved, right?
The alternative TV they chose as a replacement is a very nice one; just the right size for the space they have, with front-mounted speakers (something inexplicably becoming very rare these days,) and excellent sound, and only about $20 more than the one they had returned.
Unfortunately, despite the computer system's insistence that one was in the store, we didn't actually have one. Bear that in mind; it becomes a factor soon, I promise.
So, being the consummate salesman I try so hard to be, I informed them that we could order it for them from the company website and have it shipped to them; they thought that was a fine idea, and wanted to have it shipped directly to the store, so that they could simply pick it up on one of their frequent shopping trips.
We went to the computer kiosk, and fortunately the exact TV they wanted was listed on the site and available for order.
We put in the order, set my store as the pickup location - noting, as we do not have one in stock despite the computer's insistence that we do, that we wanted it to be shipped to the store instead of picked from local inventory.
They used the gift card for most of the purchase, and put the rest on their debit card.
And as soon as we processed the payment and placed the order, the computer, having realized that we actually have that TV in inventory, despite the fact that we in fact don't, immediately and irrevocably switched the order to be taken from local inventory.
That thumping sound you're hearing is my forehead hitting the desk repeatedly.
Now, the system that tracks orders made for local pickup is a time-sensitive one. You have a very limited window in which to cancel an order once it is placed, after which the order goes through to the store...
...And once it gets to the store, it requires fairly extensive manager involvement to clear it out of the system and reverse the charges.
So, very apologetically, I explained the situation to them; found them a comfortable place to sit down, and ran frantically around to try to make absolutely certain that the TV does not, in fact, exist in our inventory.
I was right the first time; we really, really, actually do not have it; the computer was wrong.
So I went back to the customers, and again very apologetically, explained that we would try to cancel the order and reverse the charges so that they could get a replacement TV without any further difficulty.
I went to the kiosk again, selected "track orders," punched in their order number, and the computer crashes.
That thumping sound you're hearing is my forehead hitting the desk repeatedly.
Again.
Time-sensitive, remember? So I wait, fingers crossed, as the glacially slow process of rebooting the kiosk proceeds.
Finally, the application opens back up, I select "track orders," put in their order number...
It offers me the option to cancel the order...
I select cancellation, and confirm it...
The system informs me that the order will be cancelled, and all charges reversed, if and only if I got the cancellation request into the system in time...
I click "close window," and the computer crashes.
That thumping sound you're hearing is my forehead hitting the desk repeatedly.
Now, bear in mind that this is Sunday; at this point, these folks are out their money until Tuesday at the earliest, and still don't have a TV.
Also bear in mind that under normal circumstances, electronics like me; I have been known to repair malfunctioning cell phones (on multiple occasions, no less,) by the laying-on of hands.
So this level of electronic malfeasance and sabotage was a first for me.
They were tired, and wanted to go home; totally understandable since this had consumed OVER AN HOUR of their time.
I also wanted to go home, since this had put me a quarter-hour late to clock out.
As I am not generally a fan of the practice of making promises that cannot be kept, as I've gotten older, I have cultivated a habit of not making promises unless I am one hundred percent sure I can keep them.
Tonight, I promised my customers, after (again) apologizing to them profusely, that I will find a way to ensure that they are taken care of; they WILL get the TV they want. My intent is to finally and permanently resolve whatever the problem with the inventory is on Tuesday, and re-order it to be shipped, ensuring that it will actually "arrive" as opposed to being removed from local inventory.
Keep your fingers crossed; we'll see how I actually do.
...I need some ice for my forehead.
