| Rating: | ★ |
| Category: | Books |
| Genre: | Other |
| Author: | Stephanie Meyer |
First off the bat: I have read these books, or at least the first three.
I am not impressed; more, I am utterly mystified by the cultishness and insane, mouth-frothing fervor of Ms. Meyer's fans.
Let's review quickly, so we can be reeeeeally sure exactly why these books are so cheesy.
- There are vampires; whoop-dee-doo, because about 65 other women also write vampire romances, some of them actually producing something close to readable. (Charlaine Harris, for example, whose books have been adapted into the HBO series True Blood. Her books are - shocking, I know - actually good.)
- Vampires don't go out in sunlight, but not because they, you know, DIE, or anything; no, because these books are aimed squarely at grade-school girls, or at least adults with grade-school reading levels, they don't go out in the sun because they GLITTER. Because little girls like glitter.I wish I was fucking kidding.
- Vampires drink blood, but the vampires that are the main characters in this story only drink animal blood, which they jokingly refer to as "vegetarianism," I wish I was fucking kidding because they're required to because they have a treaty with
- Werewolves, which always always always exist in any novel with vampires written by a woman, and always always always hate vampires because White Wolf Gaming says so, and in this case are basically threatening to kill all the glittery vegan vampires if they ever bite a human.
- This only applies to the GOOD vampires, the ones that are the female lead's FRIENDS, because bad vampires (you know, the ones that drink human blood, and stuff,) show up and do a lot of bad stuff without the werewolf
copstreaty enforcers really caring, or saying anything about it. - The female lead is SPECIAL, of course, because she's the only human that all those cool pimp vampire powers don't work on, for some reason that was as yet unexplained by the time I was too disgusted to continue, and for some reason this makes Evil Vampire Clan # 2 I wish I was fucking kidding insanely curious to see what will happen if they convert her to vampirism, which will presumably result in her being glittery as shit too.
- These books are emo as FUCK. I mean, "I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself" emo. Living in suburbia and having retarded hairstyles BY CHOICE and then expecting the sympathy of others for it emo. The kind of emo that leads to "being with me is dangerous for you - alas! I must leave you for months and go to Brazil, forget about me!" "Oh, No! I must leave empty months in my journal because I am dead inside from the loss!" I wish I was fucking kidding.
There are tons - TONS - of other writers who are writing "vampire romance" and doing it better. Seriously.
Not to mention all the writers who remember what vampires are supposed to be - soulless, bone-chillingly evil, bloodsucking walking corpses.
Seriously, are all you guys that love these books 12? Or maybe you - like all the Robert Jordan fans - never, ever read a book like this before, and thus, having no basis for comparison, assume that this is really cool?
Here's the truth. These books suck.
There is NOTHING original here; Ms. Meyer is not a particularly interesting writer, nor is she gifted with more than her share of creativity.
There are many, many writers doing the same thing only better, and most of them have been doing so for a very long time indeed.
But Twilight? Your taste is all in your mouth. I would give this no stars, but it hasn't got an option for "sucks too much to rate."
