Disclaimers, Followed By A Really Offensive Story. And Some Swearing.

So, ok; first, I want to say that my religious beliefs are fairly simple; I believe there is a (singular) deity; said deity created all that is; said deity is too cool and amazing for me to understand; and said deity really and truly is above such mundane considerations as, say, what nickname you call it, or whether you eat a particular food (or don't) on a particular day of the week (or any other.)

I don't believe human beings possess the intellectual capacity to comprehend a being capable of creating all we are capable of perceiving simply by an act of will. For convenience, let's call it God, but bear in mind that I don't assign it a gender; I have no way of knowing.

So; I believe in God. I believe in doing the right thing; I believe - first and foremost - that you have the right to believe whatever the hell you want, as long as you don't try to foist it off on me. Even if I think it's silly. (Hear me, Scientologists?)

Ultimately, I don't believe it matters what name you call God; in fact, I don't actually believe it matters if you believe in God at all, as long as you always try to do the right thing; admit, understand, and learn from your mistakes; and try - this is important, now, so listen up - try REALLY, REALLY HARD, not to be a complete asshole.

By way of disclaimer, I will say this: my encounter, as described below, was with an individual. Not a religion. The particular individual involved was certainly not practicing the tenets of the religion she claimed; so my vitriol should be taken as directed solely at that individual, and not at her faith.

So, today, I was at work, and the lady beside me was going on and on about the "war on Christianity," apparently thinking that "don't put religious declarations in public places" equates to suppression of her beliefs. Particularly, she went railing on and on about how religion - Christianity, of course - should be in schools, because children need to learn about God.

Now, my personal stance is that - in the eyes of the law - ALL religions must be accorded the same consideration, which is none; thus "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion." I think the folks who looooove to have their Jesus in with their Earth Science are missing a simple point: if you put Jesus in the schools, you also have to teach kids about Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, nature spirits, Odin, and the alien warlord Xenu.

I don't particularly want my son learning - in a place supposedly dedicated to the advancement of human KNOWLEDGE, not human FAITH - about Scientology. So, for my money, Jesus can damn well stay in church. To my lights, that's where religion belongs; it's a personal choice, and should never, ever be something dictated by the state.

The argument I hear - a LOT - is that "the Founding Fathers were Christians, and they meant this to be a Christian nation."

This, simply, is bullshit. The Founding Fathers came here primarily because they were fleeing an oppressive regime, under which their religion was dictated to them by the state, in the person of King George the Third. Which is why they set up the protections against a state religion. Reading their works - their actual writings, not simply the gobbledygook recited by people 200+ years later who have no idea what they said - reveals that the Founding Fathers were acutely conscious of the fact that their new society would become a haven for persecuted peoples of all stripes; they clearly expected that people would learn to speak English, but nowhere is it evident that they expected this country to be a place in which people would come and then convert to Christianity.

"But what about the Pledge of Allegiance? It says 'under God,' what about that?" Well, let me see: the Pledge was invented by a Baptist minister named Francis Bellamy, in 1892. What does that have to do with the Founding Fathers? NOT A DAMN THING. In fact, if you REALLY want to be specific, the words "under God," DID NOT APPEAR IN IT, until 1954, when Congress added them in because the Knights of Columbus asked them to.

So; lay off with the "this is a Christian nation," crap, huh? I don't object to your beliefs, and you are free to propound them all you like. Government institutions are not the place for that.

I know I will get hate mail for this post, but frankly, I don't care.

So; the lady at work went on and on and on about how Jesus should be in school with my son, and I finally said, "You know, the problem with that idea is that if Jesus is in the school, so is Scientology."

She said "What do you mean?"

I said, "Well, under the law, all religions are equally valid, provided they don't actually break any other laws; so, if you give time to one religion in school, you have to give time to all the others, too. I don't think that's a good idea, so I think that ALL of them should stay in church. Parents can take their kids to church, that's a perfectly satisfactory way to teach kids about religion."

She said, "You mean you don't think we should teach kids about Jesus?"

I said, "That's not what I said; again, I think Jesus should be taught in church, and not in schools; schools are not a good place to teach faith."

She said, "Are you a Christian?"

I said, "In point of fact, I'm not; but I don't want them teaching my religion in schools either, so, there you go."

She said, "Didn't you spend time in the Army?"

I said, "Yes I did, thanks."

She said, "Well, if you don't believe in Jesus, then you're a disgrace to the uniform."

It actually took me a second for that to soak in. Apparently, in her worldview, ONLY CHRISTIANS can be soldiers; more specifically, only Christians who believe in forcing their religion upon the children of others, regardless of the parents' wishes, are capable of serving their country with honor.

I don't believe I've ever, in my entire life, had someone say something that offensive to me directly.

After my pause of utter disbelief, I told her the following:

"First, that's possibly the most offensive thing anyone's ever said to me, in my entire life. Who do you think you are, to dictate the character of my military service based on your religious views? That's unbelievably offensive, and bigoted. For your information, the ARMY is the only authority as to the character of my service, and - with my religion printed right on my dogtags - they gave me an honorable discharge. But that doesn't matter, clearly, because I don't share your religious tradition. I SHOULD spit in your face, right here; but instead, I'm going to file a grievance against you for religious discrimination."

After a second, she said, "Well, I didn't mean to offend you, so, I guess I'm sorry."

I said, "Tell you what. I won't file a complaint; I will say something that apparently you haven't heard often enough.


FUCK YOU."


Folks, I will tell you the truth. There are a lot of religions out there I disagree with; there are a lot I think are frankly silly. But I never, ever tell someone they can't believe it; I never, ever tell someone they're committing an act of evil because they disagree with me (provided of course that their disagreement doesn't take the form of harm to others,) and I never, ever tell someone else how they should worship - or not - the deity of their choice - or nothing.

And I goddamn sure would never, ever tell someone that their service is worth less, because they don't call God the same nickname I do.

You're more than welcome to disagree with me about my stance on religion in schools; I'm fairly sure most of the folks who read this simply burst into flames on reading my stance, and ignored the rest of the post; that's fine. You have a right to.

But to anyone who presumes to dictate to me - be it man, woman, or government - how I should worship, and what I have to believe, I will say this. You are betraying the core of the religion you pretend to profess; you prove by your actions that you are a worthless bigot; and you prove that you are a complete, utter, unredeemable ASSHOLE.

And since I'm feeling that way anyway, FUCK YOU.

If, of course, the above doesn't apply to you, nice to meet you! I'm Dave. Maybe we should take our religious tolerance and go have a barbecue. I'll bring beverages acceptable to several different traditions, and you can bring the tortilla chips and meat.