1,000 Points of Stupid, Part Three

Hey, Your Honor, Put My Daddy in Jail, Please!

Judge Daniel Bryan sentenced Matthew Koso to 18 to 30 months in prison, saying probation wasn't an option because Koso continued to have sexual relations with his underage wife.

Ok. Now I have to admit, I look at it a bit askance too - I mean, the guy married a 14-year-old. The thing is, THEY'RE FRIGGIN' MARRIED. There's no law in Kansas claiming a minimum age for marriage if the parents of the minor consent, which they did; apparently this makes it legal for this couple to get married, but marriage is no bar to statutory rape charges. The wife, Crystal Koso, now age 15, told the judge he was being an asshat, although not in so many words:

"If you send my husband to jail, maybe you'll see my daughter here in 15 years,"

You tell 'em, chickie. And maybe, although I almost hate to admit it, this isn't ENTIRELY a bad relationship - after all, the dude is willing to go to jail for it, the girl is trying to get him out, and they're not getting a divorce. Maybe the laws governing legal ages for marriage ought to be established, or maybe the government oughta just plain get its head out of its ass.

Be aware that this is as tame as it gets; are you ready?

Well, I hope so, because here we go.

Remember Rock The Vote? Well, soon that may be all you do with it. The Democratic Party poster-child non-profit organization is going into bankruptcy, because apparently passing classes in basic economics wasn't important enough for its staff. Promoting new music acts, however, was, with the result that the organization is now over $700,000 in debt. Way to lead the MTV generation, guys! No, I really mean it! By giving them a stellar example of how logical consequences (spend more money than you make = broke) operates in the real world, you just may have saved - well - I guess dozens? - of kids who still find you relevant from a fate of joining the idiotocracy. Way to go!

You've heard by now about the furor surrounding the editorial cartoons in little-read newspapers in Denmark and Norway, right? I mean, I DID tell you about it. Ok, now that we're all on the same sheet of music, ever wonder where the protesters in the Middle East come up with all the Danish and Norwegian flags they burn at their violence rallies? Well, I did. But now I know - shopkeepers in the Middle East special-ordered them when they heard about the cartoons, so that the locals would have plenty on hand to burn. Think I'm kidding? Just ask Abu Dayya, who runs a shop in Gaza:

"I knew there would be a demand for the flags because of the angry reaction of people over the offence to Prophet Mohammad," said Abu Dayya, whose PLO Flag Shop also sells souvenirs and presents.

About which, I can only say that at least they're buying the flags, which I suppose has to make someone somewhere happy.

Ok, before you get all pissed off about this next article, read the whole thing. The refugees from Hurricane Katrina are being booted out of their lodgings in Houston and other cities.
Wait!
Really! There's more to this!
Ok. See, someone has to pay for all these hotel rooms, and that would be FEMA. FEMA has gotten a lot of crap over its handling of Katrina, some of which I suppose is actually warranted, but this round of nonsense really isn't their fault. In order for FEMA to pay for all this, they have to have something to take to Congress to show how much money they need, because Congress can't just give them a huge chunk of money and say "deal with it." Well, I guess they COULD. But when have you seen Congress give money to anyone other than Congress without their arms being twisted?
Aha, thought so.
So, here's the deal. FEMA has been going around to the rooms where Katrina refugees are staying, trying to get them to file for extensions on their lodging. In some cases, up to SIX FUCKING TIMES. The response of the Katrina victims has been interesting - in many cases they've gone so far as to RUN AWAY FROM THE FEMA PEOPLE.
Read that again.
So when, predictably, their lodging funds run out, and they didn't file for extensions because they locked FEMA out, ran from them, and generally refused to cooperate in any way, they are going to be left homeless. The question is, why should anyone else give a crap? If you can't be bothered to fill out a form to house and feed your family, how much more handholding do you want?

Ok, this one will be short, even Fark-style, I promise. (Ahem.) "McCain to Obama: You Lying Bastid, You." That has, without a doubt, to be the single rudest letter I've ever even heard of from one Senator to another, and McCain clearly stands behind it, as he posted it on HIS OWN FRIGGIN WEBSITE. Whoa.

Now, if you were Joe Schmoe, and you were in the public library, and you found a "poo apocalypse" in the bathroom, you'd call a janitor, right? What if there wasn't one there? What if all there was was a city councilman's aide, who leaped into action with a mop and cleaners and took care of it himself? Wouldn't you think he was a swell guy, and a credit to his councilman? I would. The unionized janitors of Ottowa wouldn't, though. The city councilman whose aide it was said

"When there's poop on the floor, the first action has to be to clean it up, not send memos and form committees and that kind of thing," Chiarelli said.

Exactly. Which is why I'm a little confused at the actions of the janitor's union - none of their members were available, despite the fact that the library waited for over 3 hours for someone to come clean it up. The patron who reported the mess finally contacted Councilman Chiarelli's aide, who came over and cleaned it up himself rather than leave it sit any longer, and that's a problem? Some days I'm not sure I want to leave the house anymore.

THERE IS A LLAMA RUNNING LOOSE! That is all.

Striking the "Duh!" nail right smack on the head, music fans say "Your crap is just too stinkin' expensive, foolio!" to the record companies. Predictably, the record companies don't give a damn, and say it's pirates ruining their sales, not the fact that 75% of the poll respondents say they can't afford the CD's anymore, and 58% say the CD's suck too much to buy anyway. WTF are they going to get the hint, I wonder? The indie labels are sure gonna have a good time in the next few years, if things keep on the way they are now.

You may remember a while back my saying SunnComm was a bunch of idiots. Breaking News: they still are. Although the DRM company insists that they've updated their anticopy software to eliminate the security vulnerabilities inherent in its approach, they've failed utterly to adress the issues of compatibility with consumer equipment, which means the next batch of SunnComm - protected music CDs will still be crippleware. WTF. Good thing I stopped buying music a while ago, I guess.

Falling under the category "Yeah, but will it suck less?" Microsoft is planning to rename MSN to "MSN Media Network." I have no idea what this is intended to accomplish, but there it is.

The Nassau County, Florida School Board is considering handing out $100 "tip-off" bonuses to students who rat out their classmates for various offenses, like drugs. I can only ask, what can go wrong with this?
Actually, a lot, like maybe druggie students turning in innocent students to get money from the school board to buy drugs, or gangs turning in innocents just to start shit, or ANYBODY TURNING IN ANYBODY ELSE THEY HAVE A MINOR DISAGREEMENT WITH... As I said earlier, "WTF" just doesn't seem big enough anymore.

And finally, concluding my little spree of silliness, Canadian courts are allowing a suit to go forward alleging that airline flight attendants are as important to the airline as pilots and maintenance crew, and should get paid the same. I can only say that I'd like to see a non-maintained plane with no pilot fly. You can fly with no stewardesses, no problem, but the pilot is a bit irreplaceable, and so are the wrench jockeys who fix the planes. You simply won't get where you're going if the wings fall off over Toronto, folks. I can live without drinks and peanuts.
Unless, of course, there's some service provided by the flight attendants on Canadian airlines that we don't have here in the USA. Maybe I'll have to check that out, long past time I got into the Mile High Club. Although given the picture in the article, maybe that's not such a good idea, after all. Damn shame we can't hire flight attendants under 55 anymore, isn't it?