Saturday, June 11, 2005

...And The Madness Continues, Unabated...

Giant Balls Of Snot!

"A sinker is basically snot," Sherlock said. "It's very fragile. We have very skilled ROV (Remotely Operated Vehicle) pilots and special containers to collect these things. We were only able to adequately collect one out of four."

Yes, scientists are collecting giant marine boogers to explain plankton growth. I can't just make this stuff up, folks. It's all true!

Miraculously, the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute is privately funded and non-profit, which means that this ISN'T another example of government spending run wild. Astonishing.

In banking news, clearly Absa, a coalition of banks based in South Africa, is in love with the current surrealist school of advertising in the U. S. Equally clear is the fact that they're not quite sure how to go about it.
This,
“My bank is my best friend. My bank is my host. My bank is inviting me round for dinner: something about fava beans and a fine Chianti …”

...and this, just seem to say it all, don't they?
“My bank is my haemorrhoid cream. My bank is my tampon. My bank is my French tickler condom. My bank is my jockstrap, my next-door neighbour with the big breasts whom I covet, my mullet. My bank is my collection of porcelain Cavalier King Charles spaniels.

The author of this little screed also accuses the bank of
entrusting its re-branding to a band of rhesus monkeys chained to typewriters and supervised by crack addicts.

Wow.

Oh, and here's good, free life advice: don't, and I mean DO NOT, download hacker tools on the internet, and use them to infiltrate the Pentagon in a mad quest to expose the truth about UFOs. Really. The guy who did it is attempting to fight extradition from Great Britain to the U.S. for purposes of prosecution based on the over $700,000 in damage that he inflicted on the computer networks he accessed. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad juju, man.


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