Just A Little Blurb To Whet The Masses' Appetite... Errr, That's You, Chief.

Australian Surfer Kicks Shark's Ass!

"I lifted my body out of the water and I just got my fists and I remember what I'd read in the paper. I just started punching and I connected with its head," Satchell said.

Ok. Whatever else you might say about the guy, he did beat the crap out of a shark, IN THE WATER. Damn.

As though you didn't have enough problems in real life, now you can catch the plague in your VIDEO GAME. That's right, World of Warcraft, currently the #2 best-selling game in the U.S., is suffering from an attack of the plague that has killed literally thousands of players' characters repeatedly. Apparently, one of the bosses has a plague attack which was designed to affect only characters in his immediate proximity, but the game developers forgot to extend that protection to the players' pets. A corrupted pet (or two,) got loose, and into a town, and... think the Black Death, folks. The plague was designed to kill lower-level players outright, and infect higher-level players, making them damaged and contagious, and frequently killing them as well.

The digital disease instantly killed lower level characters and did not take much longer to kill even powerful characters.

Many online discussion sites were buzzing with reports from the disaster zones with some describing seeing "hundreds" of bodies lying in the virtual streets of the online towns and cities.

This is not the first time this has happened, though; that honor goes to The Sims Online, in which a disease-bearing guinea pig killed hundreds.

U. S. lawmakers are having a really tough time wrapping their minds around the notion that disaster relief for the recent spate of destructive coastal hurricanes should be paid for by cancelling programs that we don't really need. Democrat party leadership is stepping up to the plate with their usual refrain of "raise taxes on the rich," while Senator John McCain seems to be the only one with a lick of good sense among them:

"I think if we were going to address the issue of taxes, it would be almost a cop out. What we need to do is cut spending and waste before we ask the American people to pay more taxes," he said.

Gee, you think? Maybe it'll help put this in perspective if you understand that the damage amounts caused by these storms outweigh the combined personal fortunes of the 5000 richest people in America - not just their annual taxes, but everything they own combined, including all their businesses and thousands upon thousands of employees. The damage numbers, however, don't outweigh the federal budget - not even a drop in the bucket, in fact. Last year's budget was in excess of 5 trillion dollars, so the total estimated damage, material and economic, which comes to a little over 250 billion dollars at the last estimate I heard on the news, is approximately a twentieth of that. Of course, any "social" programs are off-limits for spending cuts, despite the fact that their beneficiaries are a large proportion of the people whose lives have been ruined by these storms and who are in dire need of aid... Never mind that.
Oh, what the hell. They're all idiots. Read for yourself.

No, apparently we haven't heard enough about Nigerian 419 email scams. So, here we go again.
ATTENTION, ARDMORE SCHOOL DISTRICT. YOU ARE STUPID.

What?
Oh, should I have said something else to a school district that manages to give $179,000 earmarked for classroom computer systems to some lady in Michigan?
No, I think not. My comments stand; Ardmore SD is freakin' stupid.

Clearly, so is Tommi Kyrra. Apparently, Kyrra doesn't understand that Linux is the only computer operating system that's a product of Finland - Linus Torvalds is a Finn, and did his work in Finland.
I know this, because Kyrra just announced that DRM means that Mac and Linux users are just out of luck as far as playing music on their computers, and added that they should "just buy a CD player."
Never mind my paraphrasing, here's the direct quote:

"Now, we need to understand that listening to music on your computer is an extra privilege. Normally people listen to music on their car or through their home stereos... If you are a Linux or Mac user, you should consider purchasing a regular CD player."

Now, this seems too blockheaded even to require comment, and even though I usually can't leave well enough alone, this time I will. Wow, what a bonehead.

And finally, in a classic case of "Well, Duh!" Steve Jobs leaps into the furor over online music by announcing that the music companies are "getting greedy."
Here's a hint for you, there, chief: They've been there for ages. The music companies have been gouging consumers for ever-higher prices for years, you're just the latest victim. But in any case, here's the article. Have fun; I don't even have the heart to dig viciously at people today.

Actually, yes I do, but today we've been treated to a succession of comments from public figures that are so completely dumb that it defies my ability to talk smack.

I will take this opportunity to rant for a minute or two, however.

I am originally from Houston, Texas; I was there for the last mayoral election. I voted against Bill White, because I consider him a political crony, and as crooked a crook as ever did crook.
That said, and without any reservation whatsoever, I applaud you sir: you have done, so far, a wonderful job with the evacuation of the city in preparation for Hurricane Rita; you have done a masterful job of coordinating not only the evacuation orders and efforts, but also emergency services, police presence, and disaster relief efforts, and I happen to know that if you've had 3 hours of sleep in the last 3 days, no-one on your staff knows about it. Bravo.
Which brings me to my rant. See, on the radio in Houston over the last few days there have been tons of imbeciles calling in to ask the DJs why the mayor "let all those people run out of gas on the freeways?"
Actually, the mayor has been organizing fuel tankers to cruise the evacuation routes, supplying anyone with their hood raised, to prevent as much of the problem as possible, something clearly not thought of by other such luminaries as the mayor of New Orleans. Bill White has done a stellar job in this crisis, and I fail to see anything that he could have done to help that he hasn't already addressed.
The same problem occurs on a national level; people blaming Bush for the poor governmental response to Katrina, in New Orleans.
Here's a hint, you dumb bastards: that's what you have a mayor for, and a governor. Bush can't prevent hurricanes; he's the president, not God. You want a solution to the problems in New Orleans? Elect someone who's not a dumbass next time. Really, it's that simple. The reason the relief efforts were so badly coordinated and disorganized in Louisiana is because the people who were supposed to be doing that coordinating - the mayor of the city, and governor of the state - dropped the ball. Bush had nothing to do with it.
If we're so all-fired determined to place blame, why not let it land on the shoulders of those who richly deserve it, rather than those who could do nothing about it?

And, as we speak, my father's house in Baytown is under water. We won't know the extent of the damage until he is able to return home, but he's 70; it will be a disaster for him no matter what. And I don't see him out screaming for Bush to save him from the storm; he knows that sometimes these things just happen when you live on the Gulf Coast. No mayor in the world can prevent a storm surge; no president can prevent a hurricane. What they can do is exactly what has been done in Houston: Bush gives Bill White all the help he can muster, and Bill White puts it to good use, unlike New Orleans, where they were given enormous resources, and the mayor turned it into a Mongolian clusterfuck.

I won't even ask for you to excuse my intemperate language; the guy really is a dumbass.

No Quotes, Just Write

Today, I just want to rant.
About a topic that's constantly in "debate," without anyone bringing up anything remotely approaching evidence, logic, or just good plain common sense.
"Evolution" vs. "Creation Science."

Yeah, I know it's a "hot-button issue," but frankly I don't give a damn. Both teams are friggin' stupid.

Here's why.

First, this "debate" is between strict Constitutionalists, and fundamentalist Christians, and includes no-one else. Considering that EVERYONE'S kids go to public schools, everyone needs to be included.

Second, the Christians are missing several important points in their argument.

Too bad for them I'm here to wreck their whole day.

The Christian argument is that their mythology claims that the world was created in 6 days by their particular deity, and that evolution is therefore crap.
Why?
Because that's what their book says.
Why is their book the final authority?
Because their book says it is, of course.
No mention of the fact that the holy books of every other religion make the same claim, with just as much evidence to back it up.
No mention of the fact that the Christian book was edited by the Catholic church on several occasions - the same folks who support child molestation, and even sells "Get-Out-Of-Hell-Free" cards. (Think I'm joking? Go look up "plenary indulgences," and just see what you find. Never mind; I'll even save you that much effort. Just click here.)

To digress for a moment, I would like to point out that if you take the Bible literally, there's actually no contradiction there between Biblical theology and the theory of evolution. The Bible claims that God said "Let there be light" and there was light; science claims there was a Big Bang. So big, in fact, that the light from said Bang is (wait for it) still visible to astronomers even today. That's a big light, indeed. Maybe even as big as what would happen if God said "Fiat Lux!" You think?

Oh, but wait. The world was created in six days, not 11 billion years. Except that until around about the third day, the sun and earth weren't yet created, and therefore the term "day" in that context refers to an arbitrary length of time (maybe a sixth of 11 billion years, eh? Just a thought....) and the term is clearly used as a device to give the reader a comprehensible term to relate to. Never mind the fact that evolution is allowed for in the Bible - the book says God created all the living things. It never, ever says how.

Never mind all that; Creationism ought to be taught in schools. Because despite the fact that evolution is based on science, and despite the fact that the Constitution specifically decrees a separation of Church and State, Christians are really, really cool.

Or at least that's what they say. See, they will argue that the separation of Church and State only means that we can't establish a national religion, and make it compulsory; this, of course, because the Founding Fathers were Christians.

They conveniently forget, of course, that the Founding Fathers came to America, by and large, to escape religious oppression, and were desperately seeking a way to ensure that they would have the freedom to practice ANY religion they chose, and that said religion should be kept strictly out of the business of secular government.

They also conveniently forget that if they are successful in forcing their mythology into the classroom, they open the floodgates, because the government, by Constitutional law, cannot establish a state religion, which is what you have done if you require instruction in the tenets of one particular belief system in a government - run mandatory school system.

See, these days, you can sue. And if the Christian doctrine winds up in classrooms, because the government cannot discriminate based on religion, we will also have to teach Buddhism, Shinto, Native American tribal myths, Norse legend, Meso-American tribal myths, the Western European stories of fairies, Orthodox Judaism, the Book of Mormon, the Koran, and anything else anyone wants to sue over - in a SCIENCE CLASS.

Maybe it's time to ...

Strike that.
Fuck maybe.
It's long past time for people to get their heads out of their asses about this.
Really.

"Creation Science" belongs, properly, in the church from whose beliefs it grows, and nowhere else. Foisting it off on everyone in the classroom is as total a betrayal of the doctrine of religious freedom as has ever been perpetrated in this country's history, and will do irreparable damage to our social fabric. The divisiveness of this notion cannot be ignored; it is an enormous threat to our domestic relations.

Maybe, rather than attempting to turn our schools into forced indoctrination camps for Christianity, the fundamentalists should try this new thing called advertising. The Mormons do it; the Jehovah's Witnesses do it, despite the innate silliness of a church with a million-plus members which espouses eventual salvation for 144,000 lucky winners and no-one else advertising for additional members; the Muslims do it, in jail; even the Hare Krishnas do it in airports, or they did until 9/11, anyway.

TV is a wonderful thing. Instead of trying to force people to your point of view, why not try convincing them you're right, instead? You ever see how many people click on spam and fall for Nigerian 419 scams? Some people will buy ANYTHING.

But lay off trying to tell me what I have to let you teach my kid. I don't care; even in the very unlikely event that you were to agree with me totally, my child has the right to make up his own mind; my job is to provide information and guidance, not twist his arm until he screams for Jesus.

Stop trying to peddle your religious observances as science; there isn't any there. Stop trying to rename it so it sounds cool; stop trying to hide the fact that what you're doing is trying to extort from the state sponsorship for your brand of the afterlife. You don't have the right to do it in this country, period. Thanks to our Founding Fathers, who as it happens, were mostly Christians.

I think they'd spit on you if they saw you. But that's just me.

Oh, and one final thing: you may be wondering why I said at the first of this post that both the Christians and their opponents were stupid, and then proceeded to write about the Christians alone; I'll tell you why.

Because none of them wrote this article, and I DID.